Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Rich guys who blow all their money on expensive whores

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edit Rich guys who blow all their money on expensive whores

I know this needs something, but I'm sleepy and out of ideas at the moment. Please feel free to enlighten me whenever you wish. Thanks. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 05:56, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 05:56, August 1, 2010 (UTC)

Ell, I suppose I'll review this, too. Earth day, give or take a time zone (and possibly a daylight savings time), the usual, and you shall have a review. Hopefully a useful one, at that. Cheers. ~ Pointy (talk) (stalk) -- 20100903 - 15:36 (UTC)
Humour: 6 Y'know, this starts out a lot funnier than it ends. Mocking economics apparently lends itself well to something so arbitrary, and from the introduction, one would expect the article as a whole to address this, when not all of it does. Shame, really. The intro is pretty funny between the examples and the reason why it is such an issue. The whole thing would probably be more effective in general if it followed what's introduced, though, so if you want to keep the main body's topics, you'd have to change the introduction up a bit. Except I still think it's the best part.
  • The Painful Aftermath of Rich Abstinence - Poor whores. I like how it's mostly just the expensive (unusual) ones that are affected, though. But it begs the question - what do whores resort to when out of work? Evidently nothing, which is a bit of a disappointment considering what possibilities a one could come up with for something like this.
Okay, question - if the dentists went out of business while there was still demand for them... how does that work? Would they not just charge more as a result of losing their main income, thus reducing the demand? Or something... I just don't see why they'd be harder to find, you know? And where does the debt come from? I like silliness sound, is all.
Although the bit about gas prices is good. Not entirely sure it fits overly well with the rest of the article, but it sure is funny.
  • Societal Snubbing - Say more? The example given is good. What about some others and maybe an explanation of why people shun it and do not look to the actual impacts? There's potential here.
For that matter, what of the impacts of the snubbing? Has it affected the rich guys? Was it behind the pro-abstinence program?
  • Additional positive outcomes to rich guys blowing all their money on expensive whores - This would make more sense with both the disease reduction and the preventing war as pieces, probably. And oddly, these could both do well with the economics idea.
Preventing war - this is a break from the rest of the article, location aside (why is it at the end, anyway?). It has all this psychological whatnot, but if it would focus more on how it is the logical and subsequent alternative for the rich guys. The war, I mean. Examples might help.
  • The Gay whales in Darfur - What is the point of this section, exactly? What does it actually have to do with the article topic? Even if the whores do take to them, the fact of the matter remains that those serve only as a pitiful proxy between the rich guys and said whales, as they do not even appear to have any bearing on any of the other stuff in the article, either.
This section is also just not that funny. Unless you really like it, can properly tie it in to the main thingy, and/or make the whores important enough to justify using them as a proxy, I'd suggest just taking it out entirely.
Concept: 6 You come up with the strangest things. You really do. Still, this does have hope. The whole idea of something so utterly seemingly arbitrary as an intrinsic (or whatever the word I really mean is) part of the local and global economy could probably lend itself quite well to a riot of laughs, though it really doesn't yet... I think what it really needs, aside from general clean-up, is just more on the actual overarching subject - the rich guys who blow all their money on expensive whore and how they are such an important part of a healthy economy, as mentioned in the intro. When it gets off subject, that's where it really declines. It could just be that those other sections just need more, but if they can tie into that better, it could also help.

Consider the prices of vaccinations, for instance. Not only do they hinder the spread of STDs by vaccinating their whores, but by paying for that the rich guys are also supporting pharmaceutical and medical business by being so prominent and, well, rich of customers. you might be able to make that funny somehow or expand into some other thing about how they are supporting medical research by providing funds or something. It's not just dentists that benefit from their patronage and have recently gone out of business, after all. A loss of research funds could really kill medicinal progress, proving that said rich guys are far more important than just a mere economical asset.

Prose and formatting: 4 It's. Laid. And other things, probably. Probably want to grammar check it after you enact fix ups, though.

In other news, having the first image to the left makes for a rather oddly positioned table of contents on mid-sized resolutions. Just so you know. Overly narrow or overly wide look fine, though.

Is having a single subsection of a section that contains nothing but the subsection really necessary? You know which section I'm talking about... surely it could have a better way of getting to the specific.

Also, it needs a conclusion of some sort. Or some sort of reasonably ending end, at any rate. It kind of just ends, as is.

Images: 5 Sorry, but I really don't see a pattern... so whatever you're getting at with those appears to have escaped me. Thus, the following does not address whatever it may be:

The images, while mainly suitable examples of the subject, don't really do much for the joke. Where are the punchlines, both funny and integrative of the article? How do they support the thing itself? Aside from the batman one, I just don't see that they're funny at all, which is odd considering how you usually seem to do them.

The whale one, on the other hand, like that particular section, why is it even there? It's mostly just gross, and what does whores knowing how to do that (let alone why they would) have to do with the rich guys who blow all their money on expensive whores?

Miscellaneous: 5 Seemingly appropriate number for its current state.
Final Score: 26 This clearly isn't one of your better works... but you being you, you probably could bring it around with some effort. Even as it is I'd vote keep on vfd, as it's not that bad. Just not that good, either... more mediocre. Hopefully some of this can help you bring it around so that it becomes a worthy article of standing with your others. Though maybe not the blood one. That one's pretty damn amazing.
Reviewer: ~ Pointy (talk) (stalk) -- 20100903 - 19:49 (UTC)
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