Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Reverse Holocaust
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I don't have enough entries on the queue right now. A bit of a slapdash effort to save an article from FFW. --19:00, July 31, 2011 (UTC)
- A TKF article? Absolutely. If I don't get down within two days though, someone else can review it cause that'll probably mean my internet is out. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 17:57, August 2, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||So as the article is right now, I can't really say I ever found myself bursting out laughing. Or really even laughing to myself. Pretty much your article succeeded in depressing me about the holocaust more than making me laugh.
So first off, the beginning. "These situations range from the metaphorical Reverse Holocaust, to the most literal Reverse Holocaust." I'm not sure...what you were going for here? You're not really blowing any minds with your logic that "one is metaphorical and, wait for it...the other....is literal!" When I began that sentence at "These situations range from," I was expecting it to finish with something more along the lines of, "an existentialistic interpretation of a situation within a reverse holocaust, to one that incorporates the actual literal sense of a reverse holocaust, to even the thought that a reverse holocaust would bring about the rise of Jesus and godzilla simultaneously and result in an epic battle that will destroy the jews on earth anyways. The latter of these ideas, of course, is considered to be too random for most philosophers, as they contend that an idea of a 'reverse holocaust' is silly enough without godzilla and jesus. Still, however, despite decades of arguing, philosophers have yet to decide on which situation is the objective "best." " Hmmm, I went a little far with that one, but you see what I'm saying? Go in depth, get creative with the beginning instead of being like one is metaphorical and the other literal :O. Moving on...
Conceptualization section. One thing I have to say first, what's with the red-headed comments? Was just confused about those. Also, this section could definitely be written in a better manner. Need to use irony more when talking about the holocaust and Hitler, put a spin on it, you know? I feel like you could definitely expand this section, maybe talk about how Mein Kampf was actually about outlining Hitler's ideas for making lives of the jews better and maybe how WWII was started because the Americans and British thought the Germans were doing something wrong and "wanted to try it themselves," but later gave up when they found most of the jews dead. Jesus, this is a dark article....
The Maturation section is ok, but I would prune it up a bit if I were you. Although I must say that last sentence about the jewish community saying "no" was perfectly placed. I would suggest htough, maybe talking about how, "The Germans had devised the plan perfectly, as Germans always do, so that the Jews would live in happiness. Unfortunately, the world seemed to have forgotten that Germans are god-less existentialistic heathens whose idea of happiness is to rid ourselves of the pains of life, leading to the creation of mass death camps and labor camps which worked the jews to death (might as well get some productivity out of them, right?). In the Germans defense, their idea of a good time is to stay awake for three days while hopped up on LSD and alcohol and dance in a club non-stop with bright lights (A derivative idea of labor camps). As a result, most historians and philosophers generally agree now, that the Germans should never be trusted to take care of anything living. Britain is still upset about coming break from holiday and finding its cat, who Germany was supposed to feed, dead with a copy of Nietzsche's "On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense," next to it." Or something. I'm sure you'll think of something.
For the evolution section, I can't really say anything I would personally improve. I would definitely put some focus on some good pictures here though, that would definitely help.
|Concept:||6||Hmmm, I suppose the article does maintain a certain degree of creativity. It reminds me though of BF11's reversal article on Jaws, but you did save this article, so grace points for that. Other issues are within the humour section, located above the concept section and to the right of Macys. You can't miss it.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||Grammar is good, the format is a little tight though. Seeing as how this is a first-drait, I'm assuming, I'm sure you'll fix this issue up sooner rather than later. Just make the pictures a little smaller and maybe expand the sections a bit? There's a lot of ways to approach this so I'll let you decide.
Also red links. Destroy them.
|Images:||5||So, um, two images. First one wasn't that good and the second one is stretching it a bit. So the first one is just random and simply talking about the reverse holocaust in the caption does not make it relevant. In all honesty though, this article seems tough to think of some images for, so I was a little lighter in grading on this one.
The second image is...ok...but only because it makes sense to have the life flipped turned upside down thing. However, I really didn't like that picture because it confused me about the purpose of the article. Until I got to the last section, I thought you were talking about the holocaust being upside-down because of that image. I'll leave the decision up to you whether or not to delete or whatever.
Now for some suggestions:
1. Maybe a before and after picture of a WWII city, but have the word "before" on a picture of the city destroyed and "after" on when the city was ok. Then you could have a caption like, "The supposed result of a reverse holocaust on Dresden. Notice the shining sun and happy clouds." Or something like that.
2. Maybe an old image of Rebekah with a "WTF" face with a caption like, "Rebekah's reaction to hearing that 6 million jews are going to enter her vagina, and not in the good way." Or however many there are.
3. Have an image of one of those Hitler resorts for Aryans for the "Reverse Holocaust: A Reverse Utopia?" section and a caption like, "The Germans were the closest to this goal." or maybe do that image of the jews in labor camps with a caption like, "Things would've have been better if Hitler hadn't mis-read 'prison' for 'paradise.' " or something.
In all honesty, this article is so strange in its concept, I can't really think of any top notch images to give it. It's hard to show the reversal of the holocaust without a video or some motion picture.
|Miscellaneous:||5||Sorry for being tough, but tough love is what you need if you're every going to complete |
|Final Score:||27||So yup that's it. I went pretty easy since I know you saved this article from FFW and hope that you are able to turn into something golden. Any question, comments, etc. can be on my talkpage. Thanks, and have a nice day!|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა) 10:01, August 5, 2011 (UTC)|