Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Retreat

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Revision as of 07:08, December 11, 2008 by Mnbvcxz (talk | contribs)

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edit Retreat

I started this article last week. I'm very certain that it is very far from finished, but unfortunately, my time is in a conflict right now what with personal life, exam revision and time wasted thinking of poor excuses to give out for problems. And even when I am on Uncyclopedia, the most I'll do is think about writing a review. So I'm putting this article forward for PEE and I'll looking for some sensible suggestions I can use as a guide to help me finally finish this article off without it taking too much of my time. Thanks in advance.

Nachlader 10:02, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 4.8 Overall: 5 The article is a bit cliche; it focuses too much on France. Other nations have also retreated, and you might want to give a mention to other nations which do cowardly things beyond retreating. For example, you might want to add somewhere something to the effect, "The concept of retreat is relatively new to the British, who generally preferred to hire or coerce other nations to do their fighting for them." Finally, your article is too short and needs to be fleshed out more.

Intro: 4 The "retreat is not a military tactic" statement contradicts the later article and adds a feeling of randomness to the article.

History: 4.5 I corrected a few historical over-exaggerations in the first paragraph; like grammar mistakes, its easier to fix that than explain every error. These are in the edit after the grammar correction. Also, having Napoleon introducing retreat might not be the best idea. He is the most famous French military leader (despite being an Italian); however, he isn't that associated with retreat, and that is a fairly late date to have the invention of retreat.

Famous Retreats: 5 The first section is too short and needs some serious fleshing out. It should at least say something about the French getting to Moscow. The second section could use a jab at the British, for there famous and glorious retreat from Dunkirk. Additionally, something about the utter failure of other nations against German aggression should be noted; for example "The Danish, however, considered retreat a foreign concept, and protected themselves by the more Scandinavian policy of not even bothering to show up when the Nazi's invaded."

Legacy: 5.5 This section is mildy assuming. But like most of the rest of the article, it has a stubby and one-idea feel to it.

If you wondering, the score is every section plus overall averaged, with the overall getting double weight and rounded off to the nearest 10th.
Concept: 5.5 The idea is appropriate and well known, but it is a bit cliche, especially because of its focus almost solely on France. The "retreat as a sporting event" idea doesn't work that well, or at least will need some rework. Also, this article needs a serious fleshing out.
Prose and formatting: 6.5 Some minor usage errors that I corrected. For example, you were using the a semi-colon when a colon should have been used. The semi-colon is used to either string two independent clauses together or as a "super-comma", while a colon is used for a "dramatic pause", i.e. to begin lists to introduce logical consequences. Also, your last pic is creating too much white space and the caption looks ugly because its longer than it is wide. I'd suggest adding a see also section in order to remove the whitespace.
Images: 5.7 Overall: 6 The images are appropriate and relevant for the article, but none of the images really stand out for its quality. However, you do have a fairly good image to pic ratio.

By image:

1st Image: 5 Its too blurry and you really can't see what is going on. You can tell its a battle scene, but only barely. Even zoomed in, it still has a "WTF is going on" feel to it, and not in a good way.

2nd Image: 6.5 A bit cliche but still appropriate and the caption is mildy assuming. This is probably your best image on the page.

3rd Image: 5.5 It really isn't that funny or related. Also, the pic's narrowness is making your caption ugly. You might want to find a different pic, or crop that one to get rid of the dead space at the top and bottom.
Miscellaneous: 6.5 Improvablity score. This article is improvable and has alot of potential. However, its still far from being a good article, it probably should be at least twice its current length, and maybe more so. This topic might have the potential to be a good long article.
Reviewer: --Mnbvcxz 17:17, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
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