Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Releasimification (4th review, i think)
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Ok, here i am again groveling for some experienced Uncyclopedian to look at my meager work. I really just wanted a second or third opinion on my article. thanks/cheers-Bobofosho2 23:24, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
Bobofosho2 23:24, 17 June 2008 (UTC)
- Since everyone else seems to be ignoring it, I'll do it. -- Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM | Converse | 08:59, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||1.2||OK, so what we have here is the fourth review of an article. Reading through the comments of previous reviews, they have been almost completely ignored, which doesn't really bode well, particularly given the score the article received last time out. Anyway...
|Concept:||1||I just think it's a really poor concept. I was generous in my first review - it was a new work in progress and it could have been something. It has just studiously failed to get any better, at any point.
The basic premise you're working to is "rape is funny". Now, most would say it's not, but if you hit the right note it can be in a sort of gross out way (Did you know that, statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape?). So if you're going to do an article about rape, make it into something funny - be clear about your message and gross people out, don't try and dress it up as pseudo-black nonsense.
|Prose and formatting:||2||Since you haven't changed it between the previous review and this, I'll repeat that score and comment. SysRq's Review is very clear about it - the prose is inconsistent, the grammar is poor, the formatting weak. You've added no links, either to or from the page - it's just dead space. You get 1 additional point for making up the word 'petomaphiles' which sounds like it ought to be something bad, even though it's actually meaningless.
A grammar tip, so I can at least be seen as being helpful rather than just slating it:
Check your use of quotes and inverted commas. Quotes should look like this:
When you've got two people saying something, they should be in different paragraphs:
Inverted commas are useful for emphasis - 'loosen up' should be in inverted commas rather than quotes.
|Images:||4||Well, you've got rid of the previous paint image... And replaced it with a picture which adds little more to the piece. And the caption - why be so dull - why not have something like "Sid McCoy's shop class carving was adopted as the mascot of the SPR" or something slightly more irreverent.|
|Final Score:||10.3||Scores so far:
Since the last review, there has been one picture changed, and the Extremist Releasimifiers section added. Seriously, it's a waste of everyone's time asking for Pee Review after Pee Review trying to find someone to gratfiy your ego and tell you it's funny.
Being nice, my advice would be to go away and think about what you want to achieve from the article. What is the joke? Are you writing a gross-out piece about rape being good, a parody of black culture or a witty insight into the life and career of a TV icon?
Being honest, my advice would be to nominate the article for deletion and start all over again, but this time with a clear idea of your aims and what the joke is.
|Reviewer:||Rt Hon W E Gladstone MP GOM|