Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Regulation

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edit Regulation

BUMP. This article is rapidly becoming irrelevant. IronLung 00:39, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

I like it IronLung, and I don't think it's irrelevant.   Le Cejak <0:45 Oct 14, 2008>
I call dibs on reviewing this...tomorrow. Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:28, Nov 3
Humour: 7 Alright, first off, I thought this article was pretty good. I'm going to go section by section through the article, and tell you what I liked, what I didn't, and how you can fix it.

Intro- Even though this section has only three-and-a-half[citation needed] sentences, I enjoyed it a lot, especially the bout of namecalling. I would have liked to see a bigger expansion on what regulation is, with the same humor in the first sentences.

Before Regulation - This section lacks somewhat on the funny side, because there is so little writing. The three subsections could all be expanded and more detailed. I like your writing, I really do, but you need to write MORE. What else was going on before regulation? What was Jay Gatsby's story? Did the tyre do anything else? Why the big panic? Was Eleanor Roosevelt really that ugly? What was the New Deal about? Answer me!

After Regulation- This section was confusing. First, it could totally be expanded, what with the whole USSR angle. Second, why are Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac there? How are they related? You need to mesh your ideas together into something coherent, which means more writing.

What have we learned? - This is a very good conclusion to the article, but because the rest of the sections in the article are so short, it is not as effective as it could be. Expand the other sections to maximize the funny in this one.

Concept: 8 5/5 for the concept, 3/5 for its execution. I like the idea expressed in the intro that regulation is here "to ensure that nothing bad can happen". This is rife with possibilities. However, I feel the idea is left unexplored. This article is quite short, but it has the potential to be a pretty long article. All you have in the article is Before Regulation and After Regulation. I'm sure that there is more that can be written on the subject.
Prose and formatting: 7 I give you a 7 because the prose is average. The prose flows fairly well, but can sometimes become confusing. "After everything was good again, the United States government suddenly noticed that there was another country that was doing rather well for itself, thank you very much..." I know that you meant Soviet Union by "another country," but only after hovering my mouse over the link. This is not good, because it disrupts the flow of the article, thus making it harder for the jokes to have effect. You would do better to just use "another country, the Soviet Union," instead. See how it flows easy like that? Also, your writing is obviously British (tyre, peroused). Nothing wrong with it, but some stupid Americans might not get it. It's up to you if you care.

On formatting, you have a few issues. The first and largest is white space. In the intro, you have the table of contents on the left and the Wall Street crash pic on the right. Since your intro is so sparse, there is left a big fat ugly white space. This can be solved in three ways. One, you can add writing to your intro. Mind you, it'll have to be a lot of extra writing to fill the space. Second, you can put _NOTOC_ to get rid of the Table of Contents. I would suggest this because the article is so short. Third, you can move down the picture to be within the first section.

Images: 6 I gave you a six because there are only two images, one of them (the second one) is funny, and the funny image needs the caption to be so. This isn't entirely your fault, because the article is rather short, so you can't flood the article with images, but one or two more would help. Since regulation is long and complicated, I would suggest a pic of a guy struggling under the weight of a gigantic Book of Regulations. Feel free to add other pics as well.
Miscellaneous: 7 Avg'd. Also, I noticed the newspaper pic says Black Thursday, while the section in the article says Black Tuesday. Also, this is not becoming irrelevant.
Final Score: 35 I like this article and hope it succeeds.
Reviewer: Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:40, Nov 4
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