Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Regularer K

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edit Regular K

So I added more to the end another picture and such and by God I think this is actually done can you believe it? Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 18:49, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Masaru

PEE REVIEW IN PROGRESS

Hyperbole is engaged in the dual processes
of giving you his opinion and pretending you care.
Humour: 8 So, I read this, I liked it, I considered nomming it, and then I saw some things I thought could be tweaked and I decided to Pee Review it instead.

I like this article. I think it's probably feature-worthy right now. So I'm just going to talk about my concerns here: if I don't mention something, assume I like it.

  • Kelog's. Why did the article drop an "l" and a "g" if the cereal was made by John Kellogg? I see that the photoshop has it spelled "Kelog's", too, so maybe it's better not to change it - but you might want to explain it. Maybe just a line about the extra l and extra g being "too fancy."
  • Nutrition section - This section starts off talking about Special K. But, the article is about Regular K. I'd either lose the first sentence entirely or rewrite the two sentences to say something like "Regular K is popular among health nuts for its lack of fats, sugars, and everything else besides wheat. This sets it apart from Special K, which contains a large number of vitamins and minerals and is a fine addition to a balanced breakfast."
  • Jimmy the Irishman - This one took me a second to get, honestly. I'd consider renaming him "Lucky the Irishman" to make it a little more obvious. But I can see it either way.

That's it for my humor suggestions. Kind of a short list.

Concept: 10 Good concept.
Prose and formatting: 7 Same thing: if I don't mention it, it's fine.
  • The sentence "A diet high in fiber and nothing else, consumers on the Regular K regimen were instructed to eat five bowls of the K every day and nothing else." needs rewriting. Maybe something like "A diet high in fiber and nothing else, the Regular K regiment consisted of five bowls of the K every day."
  • I don't like the phrase "The diet began to show its cracks within the year it was suggested, however..." Maybe "Unfortunately, flaws in the diet began to become apparent within months..."
  • Maybe lose the red links on "fiber" and "Cocoa Puffs." Obviously, the Cocoa Puffs link is meant to help out a reader who didn't get the reference, so it might be wise to just create a redirect to "cereal" at Cocoa Puffs for the time being... or use the unregistered link feature. Also, put a period after "I'm enthused for Regular K."
Images: 10 Nice shops. I like them. The picture of Mikey is appropriate. I will say, though, that I agree with the other review: it's kind of odd that the cereal is colored and the rest of the box is grey. I think it might be better just to grayscale the picture entirely. But, the way it is doesn't bug me.
Miscellaneous: 10 Ready for prime time.
Final Score: 45 I'd nom this if I were you: I'd vote for it even without my suggestions, and I suspect the vast majority of Uncyclopedians, would, as well. (Although I think making some of the changes I suggested would make it even better). Cheers!

Oh, and PEEING people: sorry this review isn't my most in-depth ever, but there's often not much to say about an article that's basically good to go.

Reviewer: Tinymasaru.gifpillow talk 20:40, July 12, 2010 (UTC)

I'm keeping the nutrition thing, as switching it around destroys the punchline effect, and also Jimmy the Irishman, as Lucky is such a fancy name. But other than that, thanks! --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 02:10, July 13, 2010 (UTC)

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