Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Raymond Chandler's "Murder on the Orient Express"
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Sog1970 01:03, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll do this. But tomorrow. Or sometime...not today. What I mean is: I got this. (talk) 08:32, March 5, 2011 (UTC)
|Humour:||8||In soviet Russia, humor reviews you?
Great intro. It's obvious what you're going for and you pull it off really well. There aren't any setup-punchline jokes, but that works for you as you have a lot of them later. The last sentence is weird and doesn't really add to anything. It also doesn't fit with the picture you have, and I think that it should go.
Gay jokes. Funny. This section is really funny and is a good introduction to the characters and how Marlowe and Poirot are going to interact in the rest of the article. There isn't more that I can say here. On to the next section.
The narrated part of this section is really funny as well as explaining who else is on the train. The line "he said he was a Chicago car-salesman but I didn’t believe him for a moment, he didn’t try to sell me a second-hand Cadillac" is one of the funniest lines I've read in a while. Once again, there's nothing bad I can say about this section. Moving on.
Again, nothing but good things to say. Picture is funny. Text is funny. Links are funny. Moving on.
This is the scene that I have a problem with. It doesn't really fit with the rest of the article and just seems to be there for the picture (which is funny, but still.) The dialogue seems forced, which could work but the section isn't long enough for it to get played out. The ending line is just weird and seems like you let your little brother write the last line to this section and the intro (although if that is the case he could be good in a couple years, with some practice.) This section should either relate more to the rest of the article or at least be longer, but as it is right now it's just awkward.
Scene 19 + epilogue
Really good ending to this article. You came back to the humor and writing from before scene 18 and finished the article strong. I think you could make it a little more obvious that Poirot is having Marlowe arrested because he is jealous of him figuring out the case, but as it is it still works. The epilogue is fine as it is, although it isn't laugh-out-loud funny.
|Concept:||9||This concept is great. Murder on the Orient Express is one of my favorite murder mysteries and you've done a great job with this entire article. You made it really obvious that Poirot was gay without over doing it. The whole having an American detective in a story that was set in Europe was a great idea as well. The only thing that I can really say about this article is that you should chose a format (discussed below) and you should make it more obvious whether or not Poirot can "hear" Marlowe. A lot of Marlowe's comments seem like they are Mystery Science Theater 3000 comments that Poirot can't hear, but then later on he starts reacting to what Marlowe says. If Poirot can hear him then you might want to make him respond to at least some of Marlowe's comments just to make him seem like an actual character and no just a Fight Club/Sixth Sense-esc unseen commenter.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||The first thing I want to talk about is the format that you've put this article in. Right now it seems like you are trying to strike a balance between an UnBook UnScript and main space article. I would suggest changing it slightly so that it fits into only one of these categories. The closest format is an UnScript which would be fairly simple to convert this article to. The "Narrator" sections should be changed to Marlowe:(Narrating) for a script; stage directions that pertain to how the character says a line or what they do before or during a line should be in parentheses and italicized. The way you have the other stage directions are fine as they are.
The prose in the article is very strong. There are a couple spots that seem a little awkward when reading through, but those can be easily fixed. I can't find any of the things that I remember being awkward, but reading through it one more time could be good for the article. I really like how you wrote Poirot's lines in an accent, it made me smile. I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors, good job. Although movie studios don't "sign up for" movies it's more often that they "sign off on" them.
|Images:||8||The images in this article are really good, but there is something missing that I can't exactly explain. I'll go through each image one at a time to see if I can figure it out.
The opening image is perfect. Don't change anything about it.
This image is good and the caption is amazing. You could make it a little bit bigger, but that's up to you. Yep.
Same as above.
This one is pretty much perfect as well. Great image, great caption. The only thing is that the hand is slightly pixelated so the image could be a little smaller, but once again it's up to you.
Pretty good. It is just there to be a joke for the section and does its job. For what it is, it's good, but the section itself is weak. If you improve the section then keep the picture, but if you aren't going to improve the section I think this should be scraped with the rest of the section.
Also pretty much perfect. Good job.
I guess I couldn't figure out what was bugging me about the pictures. I do think that you could use one more picture and possibly changing the Miss Ohlsen pic to something that doesn't have stuff in the background.
|Miscellaneous:||8.5||Overall "feel" of the article.|
|Final Score:||41.5||I can definitely see this being a feature in the near future. It's really close to being there right now and with a few minor adjustments I would certainly vote for it.|