Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ray Stevens
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I made a page called "Ray Stevens" and most of the jokes come from his songs.MrCleveland 19:27, 20 October 2008 (UTC)
|A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article|
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).
|Humour:||4||OK, I've done some research on this guy before settling down to this review, so I won't be dismissing this out of hand. Hmm. So as you say, you're trying to crowbar his song titles into the article by way of jokes. Problem is, you're not really that subtle with them, so it looks like you're contriving an article to fit a few phrases and sentences. The fact is, that's what you are doing, but if that's your concept, you need to be more subtle about it. Problem with that is, the song titles don't really lend themselves to that sort of treatment. Plus, anyone who hasn't heard of him, and who doesn't do their research like I just did, is going to see those references fly right over their heads, and not find a whole lot else in the article.
Other ideas: you don't have many. You're trying to work the streaking thing into a running gag, but it's not really explained, and so seems almost random.
And then we finish off with that most traditional section of the musician article, the long list of song and album titles. Have a quick look at UN:LIST, and think about trimming or removing the list - unless your titles are really funny (and they're not, I'm sorry to say), a list like that just doesn't help.
Wow, so I've not been that positive so far, have I? You must not like me by this point. Time for some more constructive stuff:
In a way, you've picked a tricky topic, because it can be harder to try and write a parody article on someone in the humour field. However, there is plenty of scope here, you just need to broaden your aim a little, don't just stick to the song titles for your jokes.
Maybe flip things about a bit. The guy's obviously not the most subtle humourist out there (Osama Yo' Mama? really? Good grief.) So perhaps spend time discussing the subtle undertones of his work. Explore the deep and meaningful themes that this tortured artiste feels were missed in such heart-stirring works as Osama Yo' Mama and the like.
If you do want to make the streaking a running joke, explain it a little more. Don't just say he was a streaker, then did other stuff. That tells us nothing, sets up nothing, and doesn't make the streaking funny. Try explaining why he has such an uncontrollable urge to run around in his birthday suit, explore the triggers that set him off, and the subsequent impact on his career (first time, people love it, it gets him noticed, then it becomes stale, until people lose interest. Then for five minutes in the early noughties people rediscover it in a post-modern ironic way, and he thinks his career has been resurrected, only to crash again as they reaslise there's little post-modern or ironic about a beardy guy in a yellow baseball cap and nothing else. Maybe. It's just a suggestion.)
So yeah, work with it a little more. Look through UN:BEST at some other biographical articles, see if you get any other ideas. And if you do try to fit the song titles in, see if you can make them fit a little more neatly.
|Concept:||4||A little weak by itself, for the reasons discussed above. Widen your horizons, aim at more targets. You can still use the song titles, but don't make them your only idea, or you'll run out quite quickly. See above.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||No real spelling mistakes (apart from "Discogrophy" - that should be discography). And no major formatting problems. My main issue is that it reads like you're rushing from one idea/song title to the next, sometimes taking a leap of logic without explaining it. Take your time a little more, set up what's happening - explain where you're going a little more. You've got some big leaps there, and you need to fill things out a little more. Explain consequences a little more, set up the next move, tell us what he did in between times - make it look as if something's happening in between your ideas, or at least explain away the gaps!|
|Images:||4||There's one pic, and a YouTube clip. Both are appropriate, but nothing special. A couple more pics are needed, preferrably ones that are relevant to your text - perhaps get one of his head photoshopped on to a streaker? If you can't make that, you can request it.|
|Final Score:||22.5||OK, what we have here is a start. It's not a brilliant article, but neither is it deletably bad - it's one that needs work. You need to spend time with it, fleshing out your text. Add other ideas, add colour - explain more about the guy, don't just try to fit the song titles in.
If you think a bit wider, and give this some more meat, it should end up as a much better article.
I hope this helps. If you have any questions, give me a shout in my talk page. And remember: this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck!
|Reviewer:||--UU - natter 21:43, Nov 10|