Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Punji Stick
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This article is short but painful as hell.
Funnybony 21:13, October 3, 2009 (UTC)
Short, but well written and thought out. Good work!
--Psychokitten 03:27, October 8, 2009 (UTC)
- I'll really try to review this within 24 hours and see if I get the point. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 05:13, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
"Get the POINT!" --- Haaa! Good pun on the subject--Funnybony 11:12, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
- Yep, something like "This article is short but painful as hell." WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 14:07, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
- Sure! The article is the same as it's subject, 'short but painful as hell', so it kinda matches.--Funnybony 18:08, October 11, 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Intro You've suffered through one of my reviews before, so I'll just focus on my knowledge of your topic. Most of what I know about punji sticks comes from a few minutes of a lecture of a modern history class I took many years ago.
My humour score is a mix--some parts I find very funny, some I don't. I'm combining my comments on Humour and on Prose and Formatting, but am scoring them separately.
Wartime Use Like the Alfred E. Neuman quote.
Types of holes known to contain Punji Stick
Various poisons used--I really didn't care for this section (and HIV is of course much later).
Effects of poisons--I get the reference to one of my favorite Jefferson Airplane songs, but remember many readers might not. And again, I don't find this funny--I don't see how getting high relates to these sticks.
Modern Use--being used as weather vanes I think works, but don't get the stick it part--West represents a part of the body? Maybe is West was the direction the Vietnamese want U. S. troops to go--back home.
Inventor--this part seems random, and I don't really get it.
References--I like having this official-sounding section.
|Concept:||4||One of the limitations of this article is its topic. The Vietnam War had a major affect on your life and you've been living is Asia, so "punji sticks" may be as familiar to you as nuclear weapons are to most Americans. But I did a search on Google.com and found about 17,700 hits for "punji stick." That sounds like a lot, until you compare it to "Jane Fonda" at 2,110,000, or even "mellow yellow" at 918,000. I suspect that the vast majority of Uncyclopedia readers will have no idea what a real punji stuck is, and thus may miss some of the humour.
But that's not necessarily much of a problem--every article isn't for everybody. What I do think is a problem is that your concept doesn't seem to be clear. First "Punji Stick is a type of bamboo carved into the shape of an arrow usually leading to a booby-trapped pit." Then they aren't arrows leading to a trap, they are the trap--"The point of penetration was usually in the foot or up the ass." Then it's a directing trap again--"The troops, seeing the arrows on the ground would feel impelled to follow them into various types of traps...." Then they're "stuck in holes" and are a trap again, sometimes a sexual one, etc.
In Modern Use, I think you make the concept work--"Since the end of the War, punji sticks were converted to use as weather vanes...." Here, whatever they were before, they're now being used for something different. Making the other various uses tie together like this might help focus your concept.
I really like the concept of punji sticks being used as directing arrows, although it may be hard to keep this through a full article. Or you could focus on punji sticks as they were, only expand their use (as you do with them being "stuck in holes" involving women). If you want to try to mix these concepts, you might want to do that in the very beginning of your article.
|Prose and formatting:||6||Most of my prose comments are above. I would score this higher, but again the prose seems to be going in different directions. Some of it I really like, as specified above. Your formatting itself I think works fine.|
|Images:||8||I'm breaking the scores down here.
|Miscellaneous:||5.75||Average of above.|
|Final Score:||28.75||I think parts of this are very good. With a clearer concept and some cleanup, I think it could work much better. Feel free to let me know on my talk page if you work more on this.|
|Reviewer:||WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 04:04, October 12, 2009 (UTC)|