Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Punic wars
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- Nice. It is very funny, but please finish.
- MINE. MY REVIEW. ME -- 11:27, 20 May 2008 (UTC)
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|Humour:||4.5||Templates - Not even remotely funny, no introduction just a pile of templates. Your opening message will be removed hopefully. Templates are never funny unless the article (in relation to the template) sucks. Polls are rarely funny to (wtf is Hugh Jecawk). Remove.
ATTENTION TO THOSE WHO DO NOT LIKE HUMOR - 3 Terrible opening, except "However, if you are in for an enjoyable thrill ride, please read this article whose author has no dignity left, after writing articles on Mountain Goats and Laser Goats. Well, he didn't really have any dignity to start." was funny. "EHNYWAY..." - yuck, words like lol, wtf and EHNYWAY should be avoided at all costs. Never ever ever ever open an article with - This is funny, fuck off if you don't like it. - Just have a nice humorous introduction thing with that sentence above.
Allow Me to Introduce You to the Wars - 5 Lame puns, oh fun fun fun NOT. Use the real names of the places unless it really adds to the article, here it doesn't. Remove gay jokes, use censoring very rarely and the Pubic joke is just overdone. Also who was Hugh Jecawk? Oh wait, Cock - Not funny. Laser animals are also rather poor and purile; this just expresses the fact that you haven't really bothered with clever humor of keeping the article even remotely like the truth. No laughs, probably a full rewrite of this section.
Remember: Truth is funnier than random crap
A Little Background on Cartilage - 1 *sigh* Intro to this section was... just awful. Read big writing above. You say you are studying the wars, well work it in to the article rather than dick/gay/random jokes
Sloths - 5 Laser sloths was remarkably better, you managed to make this section sound slightly serious. Opened with a gay joke (remove) but has potential, work in some of the actual facts from the war with the randomness. Better.
Laser Sloths - 3 Oh dear, too random. The reader will probably have tired of the lol sloths idea. Truth is much funnier than randomness. Also "Tewmuch Kawkinvag" is just lame.
A Little Background on Roam - 4 The randomness is tiring, it is best to either a) make it sound serious or b) break it up with sections that are serious/different kind of humor. Also big numbers - 56,312,046,983 years - are rarely funny.
Mountain Goats/Laser Goats - 3 Cool idea (mountain goats are awesome) except you just say "Look at these articles" rather than actually saying why they are good. I want to hear about the part they played in said war.
Left Ball (The First Loin War) - 4 *sigh* change title The opening was good "It was early morning on May 5, 264 BC. YES I KNOW THE EXACT DATE.", sounds like a disgruntled history teacher. However the rest could be summed up as "lololololol gaysex random goatsex gay gay gay dick". Remember...
Truth is funnier than random crap
Remove all censored things, they add nothing to the article, work the truth in somehow. The lighthearted random tone is good however the randomness and reliance on gay/dick jokes is not.
Last sections - Eh Nothing there really, no score.
Overall - 3.5 (+1 for effort as you say it is currently under construction and will be finished soon) Also, remember next time to not parade around saying "this is funny" and the like. People don't like it.
|Concept:||5||The concept of "Punic Wars" is good. I see that you are trying to say "here is what REALLY happened in the Punic wars", going against what is actually taught. However this is lost in all the unfunny randomness and gay/penis jokes. Read this.|
|Prose and formatting:||3.5||Waaaaaaay too many read links. Grammar in parts is, to say the least, poor. I suggest reading over it and fixing the glaringly obvious ones. Formatting is also poor, due mainly to templates.|
|Images:||5.5||Images are actually rather good (the ones on the left side are really good) and are related to the text. The sloth with lasers is obviously a paint job though.|
|Final Score:||22.875||A decent idea clouded in tiring randomness and dick jokes. Read this and use the knowledge in the article.|
|Reviewer:||--12:37, 20 May 2008 (UTC)|