Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Psychedelic music

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edit Psychedelic music

New version by Sog and Fb.

Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 06:13, Mar 15

Hello. This is my first review, so I'm not going to be reviewing this the old fashion way, for I'm reviewing at this style where I feel more conftorble at. Okay this article seems very done well and nice, exept for the pictures in which all of them have seem to be in the middle. Here are some advices to make your pictures more like the other articles. When you add a picture to an article, first things first in the middle you type in either left or right. Which ever one works for you. Second, type in what size you want your picture to be. Remember! Always find a picture size that fits in the article you're making. But other than that, it is in very tip-top, well organize shape. Well gotta go. Hope this review helps you. --Lucyfer & his friend, Wlado! 01:42, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

If I may add my four cents, the one of you who decided to put so many pictures in the middle of the page where it's harder to know what's going on should be the one of you who should study up on what to do here. There Is an article called HTBAFANJACF which tells you what to do here, and both of you should maybe read it before trying to write another article. It can be reached by clicking (left click) on the blue link I just left you. Maybe you would be more comfortable at somewhere else, like Illogicopedia, or at least you can practice there. Aleister 2:25 19-3-'11
The band pics are in the center because they are supposed to be song interludes on a radio show. Cheers--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 08:52, Mar 19
If you think your page is a radio show then maybe there is somewhere else you can write, like Illogicopedia, because it's obvious that none of you two will ever have a feature article here so maybe quit trying to get one. You wrote an article, not a radio or a movie. Do you not know this. Aleister 16:00 19-3-'11
I'm so ashamed--Sog1970 16:07, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

Comments are all very well and fine, even if they are squirrel-infested, but I'm readding the review table so someone can add a full review. My brain's not working enough right now to work out what either of you are saying, though, so... er... cheesecake. Cheesecake lemons. That is all. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 03:52, 19 March 2011

If you guys still want a big review I'll do one for you. --Black Flamingo 15:48, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
Cheers, I grew up with John Peel's Oscar the Grouch impression and Bony knew him. Not sure anyone outside the UK, or even inside but under 30, will understand though.--Sog1970 16:07, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
Humour: 10 Hi guys. You've both done some good work here, which is a relief because it means less work for me. The only thing I have to say in this section is that the article is very funny; the execution is pretty fine all around in fact. The (un)brief history section is just one great joke after another (it's also nice to see some vanity in there that works for once - I'm looking at you Funnybony). Anyway, let's move on to concept, where there are one or two things bugging me.
Concept: 7 Now the idea of doing it like a radio show is great, but somehow the way you lead into it doesn't feel as smooth as it could be. First Peel is one the SS Caroline, then he's back in his living room (at one time I even thought he was somehow broadcasting from his car, but this might be a symptom of the confusing way you've set this all up, either that or my own stupidity) - it just feels a bit contrived. Another problem I had is that the idea of "receiving music visually", while funny, doesn't work in this context. How is he broadcasting visually if he's just doing a normal radio show? I think I might have an idea to clean this up though, if you'll bear with me. How about this: John Peel is doing his show on the wiki rather than on the air? So he's typing instead of talking, and posting images instead of playing records? But in his head, he's convinced he's broadcasting "visually". This would mean that the references to receiving music through pictures would make sense, and it would also clear up the confusion as to whether he's on the boat or in his own home (could be either, I suppose). You could still have the joke about Dave Lee Travis falling overboard, because that was a great line. The only disbelief you'd have to suspend is that Peel is somehow editing Uncyc in the 60s, but I don't see that as a problem. Obviously if you do, that's fine, there may be some other way around it, but as far as I can tell - what I've talked about here are the only genuine problems with this article, and I would really like to see a little bit more development in these areas before taking it to VFH. I suppose the only other idea would be to remove the references to receiving music visually, and just treat the images as if they were actual songs being played. If you did that though, it would still seem a little forced at the beginning when you're setting it up.
Prose and formatting: 7 Spelling, grammar, prose etc are all fine, the main problem is that it looks a little bit messy near the start. There are a couple of reasons really. First of all is the big mushroom image. It's a great image but I think it's a little too big. It stands out way too much and ruins the visual flow of the piece because it looks so different from all the others (this is due to the size and also the fact that it isn't a thumbnail). Making it look more like the other images would definitely help with the formatting, in my opinion.

In the first paragraph after this image, there is a section of text that is similarly scruffy. There are too many line breaks; every sentence in fact seems to start a new line, which is probably too much. The rest of the article flows well with large sections of text, so it might be an idea to bring it in line with those.

A final point on formatting, which neither of you may see as a problem but I'll bring it up anyway - the wiki links are another thing that make it looks scruffy and inconsistent. The reason being that they're a different shade of blue from internal Uncyc links. I find setting them out like external links stops this discolouration, the only problem is you've got to enter the whole address like this - [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Can_Take_You_To_The_Sun I Can Take You To The Sun] - but in my opinion, it's worth it to keep the links tidy. It should make them look just like internal Uncyc links (at least on my computer screen it does).

Images: 9 The images are all well-chosen and really set the tone for the subject matter. The only nitpick here is that you may want to make some of the ones in the history section a little bigger, to get rid of some of the white space (of which there's a lot). With some of them, they're too small to really see the detail.
Miscellaneous: 8.5 The number of acid flashbacks I'll have about this article in the years to come.
Final Score: 41.5 So overall, a great piece that just needs a tiny bit more work. You're two of our best writers ever so I'm sure this'll be no problem, and I will definitely take this to VFH myself once you've given it that last little edit sweep. It's nice to see an article popularising Peel too, who is very much a local hero where I'm from. If there's anything I've said here that you want me to explain better, or if you want my opinion on anything I might have missed, please let me know on my talk page and I'll try to help. I hope the review is ok.
Reviewer: --Black Flamingo 17:11, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
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