Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Protest Warrior (re-edit)
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Removed some random shit, cleaned up the grammar, and added a few more jokes. I had think like a conservative to do this article. And someone suggested me on removing some of the pictures. If so, tell me which ones and I would add jokes relating to the pictures in the article.--Dark Paladin X 22:42, 16 October 2007 (UTC)
|Humour:||0.5||To put it bluntly, this is VFD material. The entire article functions more like a giant screed against the organization, with the humor only minimally successful, than a satire or parody. Attempts at humor are mostly sophomoric potshots, and they all fall flat.
I rate the humor value 0.5 instead of 0 because I reserve zero for only the absolute worst articles out there.
First recommendation: unless the subject of the article explicitly concerns Big Brother or authoritarianism, 1984 references are unfunny and unorginal. I recommend you remove them.
Another recommendation: get rid of the bit about the founders using their own ideology as fact on their social studies test. There is no funny in it. Keep the bit about Protest Warrior members having "never read their social studies textbooks", and change the caption of the "failed social studies final" image to something along the lines of "Proof that the Protest Warriors never studied their history textbooks."
Here's an idea: You could compare the Protest Warriors to "weekend warriors". ("Weekend warriors" is military slang for soldiers that join the military intending never to be on active duty; the extant of their military service is training on a base every few weekends.) In other words, you could say that most of the Protest Warriors are part-time participants. If they live near any demonstrations they'll drive to them, and when it's over, they'll go home, buy themselves a smart-ass coffee mug, t-shirt, or bumper sticker, and convince themselves that they actually accomplished something.
|Concept:||5||Skewering Protest Warrior is certainly an excellent concept, and certainly it deserves it, although the subject wasn't handled very well. I give the concept a 5 for "average" because there are so many left- and right-wing organizations already parodied here that parodying any one group isn't particularly original; Protest Warrior just adds to the collection. The article needs some flair to it to make it stand out from the crowd.|
|Prose and formatting:||2||The writing is poorly carried out, doesn't flow well, and is riddled with grammatical errors ("people in Texas is conservative"?). This wouldn't be such a big issue if the article was funny enough to compensate, but coupled with the crass attempts at humor, it feels reeelly bad. I had to force myself to read the entire article (I didn't quite succeed) when I really shouldn't have to. I rate the prose and formatting a 2 instead of a 1 because at least the narrative is coherent and consistent.
By the way, the template isn't really necessary. It's big, ugly, and doesn't relate to the subject matter.
|Images:||2||One of the only things to elicit a smile from me in this article was the "cat with machine-gun" image. Keep the caption for that one as it is, it's fine. I believe I addressed the "failed social studies final" image earlier—I won't repeat myself here.
The article critiques eight Protest Warrior posters. Eight is too many. Four is more appropriate. Keep the comments about the articles short, snappy, and relevant. Random humor and references to Uncyclopedia in-jokes don't work for image captions.
|Miscellaneous:||3||The "Number of Canadian Protest Warriors" section comes out of the blue and feels like an excuse to have the tumbleweeds gif on the page. I recommend killing that section along with that image. It just doesn't fit.|
|Final Score:||12.5||I strongly recommend scrapping the article completely and starting all over again.
I apologize if this seems like a harsh grade. But my grading style is different, and, I daresay, more realistic. Some people seem to rate using 10 as the "default" grade, and then knock points down from there. I start at 5 (for "average"), and add or subtract points from there. So it's harsh yet more accurate. If you have questions, feel free to ask me. --Hans Johnson as in "keep ya hans off my" (cover your eyes!)
|Reviewer:||Hans Johnson as in "keep ya hans off my" (cover your eyes!) 00:47, 8 November 2007 (UTC)|