Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Prostitute Union Formed
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Alexandros 17:26, 21 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||It is a bit true and though truth is sometimes funny it wasn’t here except for a few lines. You’ll need to expand this article preferably with lies and faux-interviews to add humour. Remember to show both sides of the argument some times you can show both sides to be arguing the same thing but arguing it differently to show how silly something is, though in this case it may be better for them to be polar opposits. it's hard to build this up because the concept is so narrow.|
|Concept:||3||Well it just seemed to be a bit true. You need to spice it up a bit like while at the congress meeting there was actually a “Body Auction” with congressmen paying top dollar. Things like that.
Thing is I think this concept is a bit narrow, you can play with the fact that prostitutes and congressmen frequently come ‘hand in hand’ but other than that it’s sorta hard to introduce new ideas.
|Prose and formatting:||3||you really need to work on the opening line or too as in UnNews especially the opening line has to be attention grabbing and the line here was a little ungood. It should probably read something like this “WASHINGTON D.C USA- Today many congressmen were shocked as Nancy Pelosi, [explain to the ignorant who she is here], informed congress of the newly formed Prostitute Union.”
And when quoting (imaginary) movie titles you need to have the capitalised properly and it be italicised so it’s something like this: “I Love teh Dick in my Mouth”
There are also some typos and bad sentencing and grammar that needs sorting too. As in your other articles, links are needed, all quotes are to be italicised and the template is a bit redundant. Oh and you need another “]” around the North America category to make it link properly.
|Images:||0||Maybe you could have a photo of one of these congressmen ‘accompanying’ a prostitute. Just to show the hypocrisy. Or something. Hard to say for images really as the article itself isn’t great.|
|Miscellaneous:||2.5||averaged. Also I never mentioned this before as I presumed your other articles to be entirely imaginary but if you have an UnNews article based in truth or parodying a real life article give it a source so people no where your joke is coming from. The sourcing code is already there when you create an UnNews.|
|Final Score:||12.5||seen as how this is the last of your articles i'll be reviewing (for now, hopefully you'll write more) (MDL says he's doing your other article) may i suggest that you spend a bit more time on your writing. i fully understand that with UnNews you may want to get things out before it becomes to dated but then do less (quality over quantity sorta thing), it really pays to spend more time on things and think them through and make sure they have a good central concept. really really read HTBFANJS as it is really helpful, make sure to read some of the featured content to see how others do it and don't be afraid to ask for help with things.
I can also see that you're really enthusiastic to contribute which is good, keep it up but as ubove don't be afriad to take your time.
If you’d like to thank/insult/ask me about anything please visit my talk page.
|Reviewer:||Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 05:21, 23 May 2008 (UTC)|