Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Preteens (second review)
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This is really a first review? The other one was like one sentence per section and really didn't help. Please give this a full review, OK? Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:20, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||I have to say that it's a bit empty at points, but there are enough lolz to be had to make it entertaining. It's nothing remarkable, but it's above average, if not exceptional. Sometimes it does it with recurring jokes which are a bit on the absurd side, but that's alright for me. When I think of what could be there, and the different possibilities, I sigh a bit of relief that it's not something worse.
I think the section on "Psychological development" is a bit lacking in the humor department. This is probably because it's a bit listy and relies too much on the content in the parenthesis and "i.e.'s" for humor. I think some people would have some disagreements in some statements, such as "Have a more developed sense of looking into the future and predicting the likely effects of their actions." While it might be somewhat true, say, in comparing preteens to younger children, I think that preteens still show an inexperience for predicting the consequences of their actions. Maybe you could use this opportunity to highlight that they, at this point in their lives, are still learning the consequences for a variety of new actions (based on new liberties) being bestowed upon them, and that they (albeit futilely) learn through trial and error (like monkeys) and conditioning (like Pavlov's dog). Or something to that effect. I think the potential for jokes is much greater if you take that approach to it.
"Develop more mature, sensible, realistic thoughts and actions." Same as above. Preteens are experiencing things and decisions that they never had to before, so they (having little life experience) have a very poor ability to think rationally and maturely with these new stimuli. I think most people would agree with this, and so actually saying the converse would give you more joke-potential.
|Concept:||9||I appreciate the encyclopedic POV being taken here. The psychology bit was necessary and thorough and cleverly highlighted various contradictory points of view. You didn't draw too much attention to the horrible pop culture shit that preteens are into, and I think that's a good thing.
Something you might want to consider expanding upon or including, if you're looking to add more content, is preteens in other societies. Some of your bits in the psychological development section are very Western. Children in China or Papua New Guinea probably do not mow the lawn in the summer or indulge in pop culture (at least not as heavily as preteens in the West). Culture variations might include preteens in Pakistan making soccer balls rather than going to school, and preteens in India having prearranged marriages by the time they're twelve years old. There's a lot of cultural material to cover if you'd like to include it, but it isn't necessary.
|Prose and formatting:||9||It was in a bad shape when I read it. There were only minor structure and syntax errors, which I took the liberty of fixing myself. A few red links which you might want to take care, maybe linking them to something else or removing the link entirely in the case of "kidnapper" since there is no page on kidnapping itself or kidnappers. If you can find something relevant in another namespace then you might link it to that. Red links make preteen Jesus cry.
In the introductory paragraph: "Sociologists and psychologists recognize the Internet as the primary medium that defined and popularized the preteen." <-- this needs to be worded a bit differently. In what context has it defined and popularized the preteen? Or do you mean to say that the Internet has defined and popularized the term "preteen"?
It's categorized, has no spelling errors that I could find, and everything is formatted correctly. Just for future reference, putting things in the "See also" section which you've already linked to somewhere in the article (like "preteen slut") is redundant and unnecessary.
The template on the bottom is also a good touch.
|Images:||7||I was a bit disturbed by the first picture of a child in a two-piece. The pictures were obviously things you just found on the web. They add little, if anything, without their captions. While they don't clutter up the article, they seem stacked; I think it'd look nicer if the image of the girl next to the zombie vampire rapist was moved to the left, and if you maybe took out the last picture as I feel it adds the least to the article.|
|Final Score:||42||It's a decent article. I tried to be as critical as possible, and really I could find little wrong with it. Maybe a few areas to expand upon to give it more content, but other than that there's little I can suggest or make a fuss about.|
|Reviewer:||--Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 07:02 Mar 31 2010|