Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Polish Inquisition

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edit Polish Inquisition

This is an old article of mine I'd like to nominate for featuring. Any comments before I go through that painful ordeal of self nomination? ~ Mordillo where is my FUCKHEAD? 10:02, 8 January 2008 (UTC)

No one Expects MrN9000 to review this! MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 21:52, Jan 9

Humour: 6.5 OK, you said that you were thinking about putting this up for VFH, so I'm going to be a right bastard here. It's only fair. Well, actually I am a right bastard most of the time, so what's different I'm not sure.

Intro / Origins 5 Myself, I generally like longer introduction than this. It works best if you have a good few lines, and a picture to go with it. Which pic would the Admins use if this was featured on the front page.

Sitting alone in the dark? Because no one paid the gas bill? I'm not sure where you are going with this.

Establishing The Service 6

The Department of Guilt 7

The Department of Counting 6

The Department of Tsk-Tsk 7

Catch Phrases Being Used by Inquisition Operatives 7

Maybe use the Monty Python quote a little better? Perhaps you could chop a pic of them.

Concept: 7 I'm struggling. I admit it. OK, I guess this article is about the war? A subtle insult to those friendly Germans and all the Jumping Jack Flash it's a Gas Gas Gas (A rolling stones song). Maybe it's lost on me, being a Spaghetti Monster fearing atheist, I don't know. What the hell are you talking about Mordillo!!!

OK, so I'm stupid, I'm sure there is something more behind this, but I don't think I will be the only person to miss the point here.

Who is 'Jadek' a transformers character? OK, this is Uncyc, but I don't get the wit in the connection.

Prose and formatting: 8 Nothing to complain about in the text. You keep the style consistent, and I could not see any errors.

I think you can spruce the language up a bit, by trying to simplify some of the sentences a little. For example, I changed:

  • Surprise raids - dropping by unannounced during the odd hours of the nights and putting on very disappointed faces when there are no refreshments available.

To..

  • Surprise raids - dropping by unannounced in the early hours of the morning sporting disappointed faces when no refreshments are available.

Maybe that's too British for you, but you get the idea. Use a few less words and you will have a more happy reader. I think you can do this over most of the article.

Images: 7 A good number of pics, but they don't really add much to the funny in my view. Maybe use a famous dog related person for the pic? In the UK it would be Barbra Woodhouse. [[1]]. Maybe that would work? Probably not in the US I guess.

Again, It's hard to make many recommendations for improvement, cos I don't really know what your on about!

Miscellaneous: 7.1 Per {{pee|6.5|7|8|7}}
Final Score: 35.6 I think your taking on a tricky one here. I know it's possible that I have totally missed the point here. In fact, I'm sure I have because I simply do not get what this is all about. Just taking the sections as they stand on their own, without the "thing I'm missing" this article does not fair very well. I tried something subtle like this in VFH a couple of weeks ago with Gay you had to really read that a whole lot, and think about it a few times, before you got the joke. People slated it, thinking it 'crass' or homopobic. That was exactly the opposite of the intention, but people missed what I was trying to do with it. I think you may have fallen into the same trap here. Maybe the thing to do is explain a little more to us dummies what it's all about allowing us to appreciate the humour better. I know it might spoil the effect a little for those who do get it, but I think you're in danger of many people missing the point, like I have.

You said that you were thinking of putting this up for VFH. In its current form I'm not sure that would be a great idea. You might get crucified!

Best of luck with this one though. I'm in-favour of people trying something which takes a little thought...

Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 23:12, Jan 9
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