Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Pluto (planet)
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|This article is under review by|
Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
|Humour:||3.8||average of all humor scores
whoa. there's some really random stuff here. for a topic like pluto, throwing things like bob saget's penis around just isn't going to help anybody. there's no clear direction or theme here. i see that this is 'sporked' from wikipedia; i'm not really positive what that means, but since you pasted the whole thing at once i assume it's lifted from somewhere? also, bad anagram representations are a peeve of mine, and 'intergalactical ass unit' would be a prime example.
ummm more really weird, random stuff. it seems like this was pieced together by a bunch of people one edit at a time. things like arbitrarily going back in time, masturbation, things asploding, guys named clyde...it really doesn't work.
the snakes on a plane bit and the bill gates bit were good, but the rest is sort of disturbing. you seem to rely on 'poop humor' to fill the majority of your article, which most people don't find even remotely funny. use this sparingly, instead of having entire sections devoted to that type of humor. the same goes for the dick jokes. the sphere of atmos got a smile out of me, but then you start again with the crude humor.
this seems like a really random anecdote that (once again) relies on crude humor for filler. it doesn't serve any real purpose other than to make a star trek reference. i think it can be dropped
|Concept:||5.5||5/5 points for a well-known subject deserving parody.
0.5/5 points for execution. you really don't have a concept. if you look at some of the best featured articles, they all have a theme that ties the entire article together. see Battle of Gettysburg for a great theme that is utilized all the way through. you seem to wander between pluto being an actual planet and several other concepts, including a pluto capable of love affairs. you need to take one concept and run with it: for example, taking the 'pluto is the slut of the solar system' angle and running it to ground would be funny.
|Prose and formatting:||7||no real problems. the images in the middle seem kind of jumbled together. maybe of those sections were fleshed out a bit more they wouldn't look so squished.|
|Images:||5||the template at the beginning is a prime example of randomness run amok. either replace it with just the image, or make the content closer to the truth. the next two images are rather weird and don't make sense without the captions. the final two images are taken from the wikipedia page, which is good. the caption for the layers one is okay, the caption for the other one is pretty weak.|
|Final Score:||26.7||here at uncyc, we pride ourselves more on witty humor than crude humor. i recommend reading HTBFANJS many times, especially right before you read your own article over (it often helps you to see new jokes or directions which existing jokes can be taken). in particular see the parts about truth being funnier than nonsense, the straight man, being consistent with nonsense, and the '$@#%*' rule. i think that some ideas here can be drawn out. just pick one and use it throughout the whole article. i'd love to see an account of pluto's promiscuity: his/her beginnings, early affairs, scandals, eventual excommunication with the league of planets...that could go far. as far as your images, i think ones taken from the wikipedia page with clever captions would work well enough. the picture of the guy holding the telescope looks pretty ripe for parody. anyway, i implore you to take a theme to this article and run with it, and i am confident that you can turn this into a solid article. if you need any further help, don't hesistate to pick up the Gerryphone and dial 30.|
|Reviewer:||13:59, 7 August 2008 (UTC)|