Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Pizza

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edit Pizza

I posted one of mine to be reviewed, and since we live in such a civilized world and all...--Brainspew 17:10, 10 June 2008 (UTC) 17:09, 9 June 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 4 The first line that I found fairly funny was "and to generally not have dates and not procreate." It's a good line, but it's unfortunate I didn't really find anything before it to be all that humorous. I didn't check to see what the article was like BEFORE you came back and edited it, but it still feels a bit all over the place. Also, you keep mentioning that the pizza was a primitive computer, but you never once explain this. Your explanation in the beginning just says that pizza was used as a measuring tool for calculating pi. That doesn't really make it a computer, so the whole "fanboyism" section doesn't really make sense, which is unfortunate because most of the jokes in the article are based around computer references. The article is full of wit, but nothing that actually makes me laugh, or most of the time even smile. I would find a way to make the whole computer thing funny, or take the article in a whole different direction. The only other line that really stood out was "Mother-in-law pizza (which includes your mother-in-law)".
Concept: 6 This isn't a particularly good or bad concept, but the implementation isn't very good. You could make this work, but you might want to think of a funnier idea and re-write the article. It's a bit random.
Prose and formatting: 8 There are some minor mistakes, mostly small punctuation issues, such as "Pizza's were more", and "held it's value". (Pizzas is the plural and its is possessive.) Didn't notice very many though.
Images: 3 The pictures are inter-changeable and while mildly funny on their own merits, they do not fit with the section they are by. There are a lot of ideas to work with regarding the images, so find two or three that fit within the section of the article.
Miscellaneous: 5.3 Averaged.
Final Score: 26.3 It's got a bit of work to go, but this could be made to be a very funny article.
Reviewer: --Brainspew 17:10, 10 June 2008 (UTC)
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