Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Perfectionism

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edit Perfectionism

This page is on Perfectionism, so it MUST be perfect. Help/tips on making it perfect are desired. Thanks. Sir Not A Good Username360Stress KUN 22:07, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Aaargh, I just lost everything I was typing! I'll have to start again, so I'll be a little delayed. Really sorry. BlueYonder GalaxyIcon - CONTACT
It'd better be perfect... ;) Sir Not A Good Username360Stress KUN 00:26, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
Well, I got to say that I was actually expecting worse, and, overall, I agree wholeheartedly with every critisim. This really being my first article, my perception of humor was marred by past and present, and I think I can very easily whip this article into shape. A few days is all I need to fix this, and then, when I think it's presentable, I'll give it another shot. Thanks a whole lot!!! Sir Not A Good Username360Stress KUN 18:54, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
I took the article back to the drawing board, and came up with something MUCH more fufilling than the original. It still needs some polish before it's second review, but I think that it's become a significantly better article, thanks to this review. Thanks again! Sir Not A Good Username360Stress KUN 21:59, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 5.5 I'm writing this section last, so you might want to read everything else first.

Anyway, as I'll elaborate on below, the article has potential to be so much more humourous than it is. But it isn't, because it hasn't realised its own potential and been carried through to it properly. The humour that is derived from the fact that this article is written/narrated by a perfectionist is fair enough, but could be so much more if the idea was used to its full potential and better balanced with everything else (I'll go more into that below).

Overall, I'll try not to overlap with my suggestions below, but I will say this one last thingL the article should be considerably more fleshed out before it'll be as funny as it so easily could be.

Concept: 5.5 The concept of this article is both its strongest point and its greatest failing. The base idea of the article - that's it's written by an angry perfectionist who keeps correcting things - is a basic, but good, solid, tried-and-tested one that could really make the article stand on its own two feet if done right and properly.

Most unfortunatley, I don't believe it has been. Now, the article starts out great - those crossed-out introductions actually made me laugh, and that's pretty rare for me. It really demonstrates the article's potential.

Unfortunatley, things in the article seem to go downhill from that point. I can see you tried in the first section, but I think you were misguided; the idea is great, but it's a real pity that the perfectionist's angsting can't be over the actual content of the section, rather than simply ranting about spelling and vulgarity the entire section, apparently forgetting what he's supposed to be writing about. It just makes the whole thing feel detached.

Moving on, the next section does a slightly better job of balancing info with the voice of the prefectionist, and has a decent idea behind it (the life of the perfectionist, making the title somewhat misleading), but unfortunatley the section doesn't have much information. It could have been a full and lengthy, plenty-of-laughs section about how the average perfectionist lives their life, but unfortunatley, all it is a bit of rather contrived information and an unnatractive list that could easily have been put in the form of a more interesting paragraph.

Finally, the list of 'famous perfectionists' is, I have to say, completely pointless. I can't even figure out why half those people are there; it's a major weakness of the article, and I recommend scrapping it immediatley.

Looking at the article as a whole, I really don't think you've covered the subject as well as you could have. There's very little actually said about perfectionism here; while the idea of the article being written by a perfectionist is, as I said, a strong one, you must be careful not to let it become too dominative of the article and override everything else. And unfortunatley, as I see it, this has happened, with an entire section having information sacrificed for a rant about spelling and profanity. Couple that with the fact that the article really isn't long enough, and you end up with something that is far from comprehensive enough. Balance is important, strive for it.

Prose and formatting: 5 Like concept, the prose of this article is formed on a good idea, but isn't consistent in sticking to it and misses its potential; the idea of the prose being the voice of an angry perfectionist talking to someone he's writing the article with is a good one that could stand on its own. Unfortunatley, it hasn't been carried through; it starts off good, especially with the aforementioned crossed-out introductions, but really seems to deteriorate from there, first becoming too dominant in the first section, then losing itself in the second one. A good idea is good, but a good, consistently used, balanced idea is better.

And on that topic, I'm not sure that that was really the best idea for the voice of the prose: it might have been a little more effective if the voice was, for instance, that of a scarily perfectionistic person - talking to himself as he writes the article - who has obviously allowed his perfectionism to take over his life. After all, the voice of the article shouldn't just rant, it should be seriously caught up in making everything about the article perfect. Just a suggestion, y'know, if you feel you can work with it.

Formatting, meanwhile, is unfortunatley a bit shoddy as well. For one thing, the two pictures are on one side of the article, making the whole thing look rather unbalanced. Secondly, there's two 'crap' templates, which don't seem to serve a humourous purpose and just look messy, especially considering how cramped they both are. Then there's the problem of lists: the list of hobbies of perfectionists, which could have easily been condensed into paragraph form, and the list of 'famous perfectionists', which, as mentioned above, really serves no useful purpose. Both these lists are really unsightly and serve to just make the whole thing look more unbalanced. I recommend you be rid of both of them. In short, formatting could be improved.

Images: 8 I can't complain much here, really; the two images that there are are well-chosen, and their captions relate to them well and are actually pretty funny. The general concept behind their choice is a good one, and they're also of an appropriate number for the length of the article. All I can really say about this is that, if you end up lengthening the article, you'll want to add one or two more images, perhaps varying the concept behind them a little.
Miscellaneous: 6 Averaged.
Final Score: 30 All in all, it's clear what this article is: something started and built upon a solid and strong idea that, unfortunatley, didn't stick to this idea and let itself down, missing its own potential. All this really means in the end, though is that you can easily improve it: just put in a little effort, and you may very well end up with a phenomenal article. Good luck, and I hope I helped.
Reviewer: BlueYonder GalaxyIcon - CONTACT
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