Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Panchito

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edit Panchito

I made a new page called Panchito, and I was wondering how it is, even though It's in a Forrest Gump type of style.

MrCleveland 16:46, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 2 Im sorry I just didn't understand this. The direction you took was faulty and resulted in something that wasn't funny. I will try to break this up by section.

Birth:1 This was a very weak section. Nothing even close to funny and weak writing style combined to make an overall bad introduction. Consider fleshing this out a bit, and going a new direction with how you want this character to be presented to make it more humorous.

Mexican Fame:2 Again, in no way funny. It has a two because it is easier to follow and is a bit longer. It could still use some more writing, and a bit of a funnier spin to it.

Three Caballeros:1 Not understandable, and not funny. Very short and weak writing style. Again, bulk this section up and tell the story better your trying to present.

After the Fame...:2 Short and random humour. This didn't work the way I think you wanted it to. Again, I know I sound repetitive, but make it longer.

Concept: 4 The concept is common, being a cartoon character. It could be a successful article, you just take it in the wrong direction. If you want to make this funnier, consider completely rewriting it with a central theme. Cut out the random humour or make it relevant to what your saying. Doing so will also bulk up your article, giving it less of a half-ass feel.
Prose and formatting: 2 The writing style was probably the worst part. It was just a series of sentences one after the other. Articles are usually written in a paragraph form, and in doing so, tell the story better. You make more of a list of attempts at jokes, which just weakens the overall effect. Changing this article from a list of sentences to a few good paragraphs is probably the best thing you could do to help this article. Also, consider adding an introduction, above the origin, to open up your topic, and tell the reader what direction you are taking your article.
Images: 2 There was one, but it didn't make sense and wasn't funny. The note under it doesn't fit with the rest of your article. It seems like you just put in a picture off of google and left it as is. First of all, you need more pictures. Most articles that are good, have at least around 3 or 4. Second, you need to make them funny. Use photoshop or something so that it just isn't a normal picture. Third, make them relevant. They need to fit with what direction you are taking your article, and in a way, help tell the story.
Miscellaneous: 4 Improvability score. This has hope. It is VERY little hope, and needs a complete rewrite and new form of writing, but you can do it. Remember to have a theme that your article is based around, and make your writing, humour, and pictures match.
Final Score: 14 Overall, not too funny and had a very weak writing style. If you choose to rewrite it good luck.
Reviewer: --Yodel monkey 18:55, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

Okay, I have did some editing...how is it? MrCleveland 18:44, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

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