Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Palau

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edit Palau

Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:14, 16 April 2011

Hey fellas, I kept this in userspace for a while, and I finished it today. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:14, 16 April 2011

I guess I'll do this. Ho hum. Jackofspades (talk) 02:07, 17 April 2011
Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. Jack jump over the bandle stick. How low can you go? --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:08, 17 April 2011
Yeah...I'm giving you all zeros. Jackofspades (talk) 02:10, 17 April 2011
No, seriously, review the article. --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:18, 17 April 2011
Humour: 2 Too lazy to write intro sentence.

Let's run through this article piece by piece. First of all, 4 quotes? That's like 10% of your article right there, 20% if you're going by length. Generally quotes aren't funny and don't set the mood for the rest of the article, and this is also one of those times. Taking them all out would be advisable in this situation, although cutting it down to one could be much better, however, the two that are kind of funny aren't relevant and the two that are relevant aren't funny. Just take them out. Next is the intro. In the intro you call the island mentally challenged and boring and say that no one gives a shit about it. None of these things is funny, you're just insulting it for no reason. This isn't funny, it just makes it seem like it's not an encyclopedia article. Repetition could be a good theme for this section i.e. "Palau is a small island located in the Pacific ocean. It's the smallest island in a small archipelago that is known for its smallness." etc. The history section doesn't make sense. You've spent the first part establishing how the island is small and boring and retarded, but then you say that it looks like a good place to live. You do say it wasn't a good idea, but you don't explain why it was a good idea except that they "eat shit and die" which isn't a reason, and isn't funny. Instead you could say something like "This wasn't a good idea as the island was only big enough to house one, small family, and even that house had ocean views out of every window. Actually, that was all you could see." or something. The next section is a step in the right direction suggesting that the beach and the park are the only two things on the island worth noting, however, Bob isn't a japanese name so it's inconsistent with the rest history section. Also, having Bob running unopposed isn't really funny, although having him run against a dolphin is mildly amusing I guess. A better way to do this section would be to have one family hold all the seats of some kind of oligarchy so it looks like only one family lives on this island and the parents have set up their family based around a governing system. For the geography part, having their house be the capital and their backyard the main tourist attraction could work. Also, kitten huffing hasn't been funny since, like, 2006. The notable people is pretty good, but you should expand on why they are notable and what they did to help the island. You could also say what kind of award they got for what they did. Make it a little less listy too. The emblems section is unnecessary as you already show what they are at the top.

The infobox contains more ideas than you have in the article. Nothing in it is particularly funny, and some of it repeats what you have in the article so you should take that stuff out. Mainly, the infobox should be changed to reflect the article or the article should be changed to reflect the infobox. Simply stating "balooism" is the form of government tells the reader nothing. As it is now, the infobox isn't much better than a random list.

I think you should reread HTBFANJS before adding any more to this article.

Concept: 4 You only have half a concept right now. The only thing you really seem to keep consistent is that it's a small, unimportant island. At some points you think it's stupid, and drives people insane just by being on the island. Also, there seems to be a theme of randomness in the infobox, which, as you know, is frowned upon. Establishing a actual concept for this article should be your main priority as you could then start adding things that are consistent to that theme. As I said before, a theme of repetition could be good, but it will only carry you so far. You should also establish just how small this island is. Is there enough room for a park and a house? Just a house? Multiple houses? You don't have to state this explicitly, just keep it in mind as you're writing. A couple basic concepts for this article could be:
  • One horse town/island similar to Cloudy with a chance of meatballs where their only export is sardines.
  • Island so small there's only enough room for one person/family.
  • Parody of "nations" that consist of one house or town.

Others are possible, I just think these would work the best.

Prose and formatting: 7 Formatted pretty well and doesn't have very many grammar or spelling errors that I could find. The main thing things that I found were in the info box where there are random spaces at the beginning of sections and the "National Heroes" has random capitals. In the main article:
  • I don't believe you need the "got" in "a guy named Jeffery got shipwrecked," in the notable people section as shipwrecked is a verb.
  • Merry-go-round has hyphens, and I believe teeter-tooter does as well.
  • "Palau is a small island the size of a centipide's dick, which we assume is very small." Doesn't need the "we assume" as this is an encyclopedia.
  • "Unfortunately, that was a stupid idea. Because they began to eat shit and it became pretty distubing and a few died." should have a comma instead of a period after idea.

Those were the only things I saw.

Images: 4 There are only 3 images and they're all at the top, which goes with the infobox setup, but looks a little awkward. The first picture, of the flag, is pretty good as it spoofs the actual flag and is good for a quick chuckle. The second picture is completely unnecessary as you can barely make out the Palau and the motto at the bottom is hard to read even at full size. It also isn't particularly clever and I didn't find it funny. The third picture really needs to be improved on. Any island will look small if it's zoomed out enough. Right now it just looks like you zoomed out a lot on an island, it doesn't really give a good indication as to how big or small the island actually is. Getting a photochopper to make you something could be good, even if it's just basically the same picture with numbers on it.
Miscellaneous: 3 Overall "feel" of the article.
Final Score: 20 This needs a lot of work. Get a theme for the article and work from there.
Reviewer: Jackofspades (talk)
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