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Hi Team Luna! Here is an article I stumbled on that was only a short para. Period. No categories, no pics, zilch! So I tried to save it from the bin. Any help would be appreciated. Cheers!--Funnybony 19:28, Aug 8
| This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.|
I'll do this. 24 hours... --06:21, August 27, 2010 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Hey there! If you haven't read any of my reviews before, this is how this first section works - I go through the article, section by section, and give you some improvement comments. Each title gets a dot point and suggestions, comments and ideas for expansion. Let's get to it, shall we...?
In conclusion? This article is ok. I don't find it overly funny, but I know it has some potential to be much better. The main problems lie below, in the concept section.
|Concept:||6||The biggest problems in your article relate to this section.
Firstly, and probably most importantly, the reason your article is quite not as funny as it should be is that you have underused your ideas. At the moment I feel you've got the good skeleton for an article, but the good ideas you've written about (like the pedophilia one) have only been briefly mentioned and therefore not as funny as they could be. When you have a good idea you should just milk out everything you can with it. Try and make it funny of course. Once have written all you can, trim it down to the best stuff. I feel this is the biggest problem here, because I could give this comment to every section of the article.
While I'm on the subject of expanding ideas, I'll get onto the second problem - your article's sections are very short. Not only does it look not exactly enticing or attractive, but it's the same thing I talked about above - you haven't really used the concept to it's extent. You really need to beef up these sections, but don't draw them out too much or they will begin to become unfunny. Always moderate.
And there's one more thing on the subject of expansion - your article is an introduction, a short section on her life, and then quotes. I won't go on about it, but you could definitely add more here, as your article is rather short and made up of only a couple of parts. My advice here is to check out Wikipedia articles and see all the kind of things the say there. But before I go into that, I've got to go into one brief thing - you've got to decide whether you want to write about Padme as if she is a fictional character, or a real person. If you wanted her as a fictional character, you'd say the same kind of things they'd on the Wikipedia article about her. However, if you wanted to write as if she was a real person, you've got to check out the article on, say, Queen Elizabeth. That's why I've said this before telling you to check out Wikipedia articles, because sometimes you mention George Lucas, but the rest of the time you write as if she is a real person. So that's two more things - add more sections, but decide whether you should write if she is a real person or a fictional character first.
|Prose and formatting:||5||I think a lot of prose stuff I have already detailed above. This section is pretty good. However, there are a couple of problems with your formatting. First of all, your short paragraphs don't look particularly good, but I have talked about that above. I also think that the linked titles in here life section don't look very good either. However, the main problem is the spacing of the pictures and the Wikipedia template. At the moment they are wrong sizes and spaced unevenly, some squished tightly together. The best way to solve this would be expanding the article, as I said in the concept section. This way you easily spread out your pictures.|
|Images:||8||Your images are not funny in themselves but great captions give them some humor. Nothing big to change here.|
|Miscellaneous:||6||Lowering your score a little...|
|Final Score:||30||To reiterate, you've got a solid structure for a fantastic article. But the stuff in the concept section is the problem with this article, and the skeleton of an article you've got here has to have flesh, skin and a few slimy organs. You have to expand on what you've got here. That is the biggest thing you've got to concentrate on. I hope I helped here!|
|Reviewer:||--06:58, August 27, 2010 (UTC)|