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Please review my page PTI. It is my first uncylopedia page, and I hope you enjoy it!
Nkhepler 23:12, 14 April 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||Well...it is your first article, so i'll try to diagnose the problems here:
First off, the intro is full of quotes. Here on Uncyclopedia, that is almost always a bad thing. A few things you should never, ever mention in your article are Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris, Kitten Huffing, God, or Jesus. Now, as for the rest of the article, you seem kind of lost as to what direction you're going in. Is Pop-Tart plant a version of nuclear power? Is it a comparison to the Chernobryl disaster?
|Concept:||5||Again, i'm confused as to what the concept actually is. Are you attempting to present Pop-Tarts as nuclear fuel? What is the "smeltdown"? You don't really get indepth in the concept, because the main jokes are play on words.|
|Prose and formatting:||5||Ok, when it comes to lists, there are a major rule: they are almost never funny. I would recommend changing your section "common uses of scent" from bullets into a paragraph. Execution looks neater and nicer when in a paragraph. Also, the last part of "PTI's attempt at a younger generation" needs to be changed into a paragraph as well.|
|Images:||6||I'll admit- the Pop-Tart with a sword made me laugh my ass off. but the rest of them are just non-sequiturs. For example, the picture of Seth Rogen doesn't really belong in an article about Pop-Tarts, and the Chernobryl image could be much funnier photoshopped.|
|Final Score:||24||Well, you're a newbie, so I don't expect perfection. My advice:get rid of the quotes at the top, change your lists into paragraphs, and get rid of God and Seth Rogen. Try reading HTBFANJS for info on what direction you should take. Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||Saberwolf116 17:56, 24 April 2009 (UTC)|