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edit Previous Review
Maybe the author should have his life effected by an otter, and write an inflammatory article, like Stephen Hawking ran over my cat, or that thing with Colbert and bears? I'm doing something like that with my edit of the number 23. Tkotse 15:00, 3 April 2008 (UTC)
- EDIT CONFLICT! Thank you Mighty! Compare it to the old version, old version
|Humour:||9||Note 1. "An otter is an evil amphibious (that means it lives in water, people)..." Excellent. Elicited a smile. The exasperation just seethes through.
Note 2. "Otters are not very interesting creatures, so this page will probably get deleted." Unexpected. This line reaffirms the obscurity surrounding discussion of otters suggested in the line previous (suggested through the article's need to explain amphibious) and the line anticipates the article's movement onto the lameness of the otter. The fatalistic tone is a kick in the pants as well. Elicited a smile.
Note 3. "Otters must eat 57.2 pounds of fish each day in order to survive." Good. The matter-o-factly delivery and the arbitrariness of x.2 pounds enhance the imagery and exaggeration of an otter eating that much fish. Elicited a smile.
Note 4. "The fish are not fond of this arrangement, and are currently taking their case to court." Very clever. The lines affords an immediate and neat conclusion to the previous premise. Elicited a smile.
Note 5. "Otters sleep for 23 hours per day, because they have no natural predators... as far as I know. I don't really know anything about otters. It's too bad, too, cuz I have an essay to write on Otters, and I'm running out of time. Hopefully, I can list Uncyclopedia in my bibliography along with wild rumors and the telephone game. DAMN YOU OTTERS! HOW CAN I WRITE 27 PAGES ON YOU??!?" Absolutely fantastic. This paragraph witnesses the article's hitherto sedate tone quickly degenerate into an inflammatory apostrophe (an apostrophe in this case is "an address, either to someone who is absent and therefore cannot hear the speaker or to something nonhuman that cannot comprehend. Apostrophe often provides a speaker the opportunity to think aloud"--so says Bedford St. Martin's Glossary of Literary Terms). Also, the paragraph explicitly relays the article as an individual's hellish scholastic endeavor.
Note 6. "First of all, they're small. Any animal that's small is not likely to get put in zoos. "Oh mommy, let's go see the otters?" I don't think so. That kid had best calm themselves down before they get disappointed." Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols. However, the last line is excellent in its pitch-perfect annoyance.
Note 7. "What does Wikipedia have to say about otters? Let's listen: "Otters belong to the palm family, a family of flowering plants belonging to the monocot order, Arecales. There are roughly 202 currently known genera of otters, most of which are restricted to tropical, subtropical, and possibly warm temperate climates. Most otters are distinguished by their large, compound, evergreen leaves arranged at the top of an unbranched stem." Uh, okay, that obviously was not about otters. Sorry about that. What can you expect? Otters are the most boring animals alive. My eyes glazed over before I could see what I was copying and pasting!" Brilliant! Very unexpected and very clever. Passage reinforced the boringness of otters. The tone and imagery also successfully relay the author's all-too-anguished plight. Elicited lols and much appreciation.
Note 8. "Scientists have shown that otters aren't even half as smart as the average human. Not. Even. Half. Can you imagine that? Good lord! I've met some humans, and let me tell ya, they're huge dumbasses." The paragraph reads like an infomercial: it employs shaky logos (through the use of casually citing studies); it employs ethos (said studies are validated by their association with scientists); and it invites the reader to relive their experiences so as to support the author's assertion. Elicited a smirk and appreciation. The stunted movement of "Not. Even. Half." accentuates the exasperation and disdain of the author. Very good. Elicited a laugh.
Note 9. "The question here, is, why are they boring? We've established the fact that they're boring, but why? Where does the boredom with otters arise? Otters have been around, oh, for thousands of years. In that time, what have they accomplished? I ASK YOU: WHAT HAVE THEY ACCOMPLISHED? Absolutely nothing. They certainly haven't stopped global warming, if THAT'S what you're asking." Paragraph asks the reader to prove the author's point. Elicited recognition.
Note 10. "In spite of this, I have a 30 page essay to write on them due tomorrow." These little reminders of the author's anguish are relished by the reader. There is a sort of sadistic pleasure derived from being privy to the author's anxiety. The relish may also stem from the reader's intimate experience with the suckitude of writing papers. Also, the line highlights the subtle, incremental change of the author writing a 27 page paper to a 30 page paper to, ultimately, a 40 page paper: such a movement corresponds with the author's increasingly mentally unbalanced state. Elicited lols. Also, the movement suggests the increasing impossibility of the author's endeavor.
Note 11. "Otters are the least productive members of the animal kingdom, or so I am lead to believe. Lord they are lazy animals! I thought cats were lazy, but no: at least cats can hunt! Yeah, sure, otters eat fish: the only animal more stupid than they are. The only thing otters have accomplished is giving mammals a bad name. They're making us look bad in front of the other classes!" Elicited recognition: but nothing else.
Note 12. "For one thing, they haven't solved the global energy crisis. This is a big thing for me: my mom runs the organic foodmart, and she's a big mucky-muck around there. She says that animals are better than people at cleaning up the Earth. It's true: most animals ARE. However, any animal that sleeps more than they're awake can't be good for the environment." Very clever digression: but did not elicit any smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 13. "Have you noticed that since the evolution of otters, things have been getting worse? It's true that this is only a coincidence, but think about it: wouldn't things be better without otters ottering around all the damn time? EAT YOUR FISH AND SHUT UP!" This passage is confusing (specifically, "Have you noticed that since the evolution of otters, things have been getting worse? It's true that this is only a coincidence, but think about it"): I had to reread it several times. Also, the paragraph, like a couple of paragraphs previously mentioned, again asks the reader to validate the author's assumptions. The rhetorical questions are tiresome and take for granted the willingness of the reader to humor the author's assumptions. Of course, the rhetorical questions may just be reinforcing the author's now undeniable agitation. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols.
Note 14. "Maybe, instead of fucking and swimming, and fucking up swimming for the rest of us," Very good. Employs parallelism. Poetic. Elicited a laugh and appreciation. However, the rest of the paragraph was unmemorable.
Note 15. "I know what you're thinking: "But what if they take our jobs?" I say to thee, "don't worry!" I've no idea why but this line made me laugh: I believe it's because of the inclusion of thee. It relays a sort of giddiness amidst extreme agitation.
Note 16. "Oh shit, how is this gonna help me with my DAMNED 35 PAGE ESSAY??" LOL!
Note 17. "River otters, the first form of mammals, evolved over 800 million years ago from an advanced form of very lazy reptiles. Not to be confused with moose, otters have few or no antlers of any kind whatsoever. Living in tightly nested social groups on the Sereingetthi grasslands of Africa, otters hunt in packs on gazelle and other medium sized game."Otter" from the Native American word meaning "Are you just gonna sit there all day? I've got buffalo to catch and teepees to construct! Why don't you help me with that you dumb animal!", otters have been present in literature in various forms throughout history. Usually a symbolic animal for "dishonesty" and "laziness", the otter is the most hated animal in history." Absolutely excellent. LOLs all around. The increasing absurdity corresponds with an increasingly imploding, delusional mind.
Note 18. "Otters, as compared with more advanced mammals, contribute little to existence, and may in fact make it worse. ...Is that 40 pages, yet?" Following such strong paragraphs, the ending feels weak. Elicited disappointment.
|Concept:||9||Excellent concept. An agitated student's mental deterioration relayed through an exposition on the shortcomings of an otherwise lovable seafaring shell shucker.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||Other than Note 13., the prose was fine. The formatting was also fine.|
|Images:||7.5||The first image elicited only recognition. The second image was excellent. The captioning was particularly tickling.|
|Miscellaneous:||8.1||Averaged. lol, this article version is quite the step up from the original version. Kudos!|
|Final Score:||40.6||I had a fun time reading this article. It certainly is a strong article: but it is not yet ready for VFH. The gems designated as gems truly are sparkling. The rough patches surrounding them, as identified, just need to be polished up. After that, it's go go a go go! Godspeed.|
|Reviewer:||Mightydandylion (talk) Fk 06:17, 4 April 2008 (UTC)|
edit Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Otter Round Deux
Note 1. “Unfortunately, I have to write a 24 page essay on freaking otters due tomorrow. I just know that somehow otters will conspire against this essay-like bastion of truth!! Okay, let's get started.” Feels out of place. As opposed to the unexpectedness, delivery, and lol-eliciting of ‘“DAMN YOU OTTERS! HOW CAN I WRITE 27 PAGES ON YOU??!?”, this is a rather ho-hum introduction of the author and the author‘s intent. Elicited no smirks, smiles, or lols. May one suggest removing this line.
Note 2. I noticed the significant change in the x page essays: I miss the old numbers. Especially the 40 pages finisher. The new increments are too small and tame as opposed to the exponentially increasing larger gaps previous. Those numbers are a strength of this article: they accentuate and relay the fevered anxiety of the author.
Note 3. Captioning for the first picture elicited a laugh.
Note 4. “Since the evolution of otters, things have been getting worse. Think about it: wouldn't things be better without otters ottering around all the damn time? EAT YOUR FISH AND SHUT UP!” Fixed up nicely.
Note 5. The ending is a hoot. Excellent.
edit Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Otter Round Drei
Note 1. "An otter is an evil amphibious (that means it lives in water, people) creature that spends its time mostly in water while hunting for food in various bodies of water. Otters are not very interesting creatures, so this page will probably get deleted. Okay, let's get started." Better. The immediacy and brevity of the last line highlight a sort of resigned stoicism. Still, I'm not particularly sure whether that last bit is necessary because the author is introduced much more surprisingly and lol-ingly in "Otters sleep for 23 hours per day, because they have no natural predators... as far as I know. I don't really know anything about otters. It's too bad, too, cuz I have an essay to write on Otters, and I'm running out of time.". But then again, that line does hint at the things to come.
Note 2. "DAMN YOU OTTERS! HOW CAN I WRITE 27 PAGES ON YOU??!?...I have a 40 page essay to write on them due tomorrow!!...Oh shit, how is this gonna help me with my DAMNED 75 PAGE ESSAY?!?!...In lieu of my 900 page essay," LOL! I really, really enjoy the the immediacy, sedateness, and largeness of the last number relative to the preceding. Brilliant.