Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Oswald Mosley
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|Humour:||6||Some good lines, but not really many laughs.|
|Concept:||8||An article about Mosley is definitely needed, and I like the idea of him as a stand-up, although I think you could make more of this.|
|Prose and formatting:||9||Yeah, it's well written, and formatting is fine.|
|Images:||7||There are appropriate images, and I'm a fan of captions providing the humour. None of them are funny in their own right, but that's not always necessary.|
|Miscellaneous:||7||You obviously know your stuff.|
|Final Score:||37||A good article, particularly for those who know a bit about the idiot in question. However, I think more can be made of this, see comments below. Still, thanks for a decent read!|
|Reviewer:||--Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 15:36, 1 October 2007 (UTC)|
Right, now I have to back up my comments. Oh 'eck. Er...
It feels, to me, as if the tone of the article shifts around a bit. Overall, it looks like you're going for a fairly subtle satire of the guy, but then there's some pretty direct opinion there at times.
It may be just me (it often is!) but I think the more subtle method works. Let people work out what kind of idiot he is by the people you align him with. Jum Davidson is a good one for us UK-ers, but adding in someone like John Wayne or good ol' Joe McCarthy (who Mosley may have considered dangerously Liberal) broadens the context.
Just stating "as well as being a stinking fascist wanker", while accurate, is a bit heavy handed, and doesn't fit with some of the more subtle bits in the article. I like the Parliament bit, where you're playing with his pinball approach to political allegiance, but it could benefit from a little expansion. Have fun with this bit, and his regular changes of mind.
A small example:
"Local people found him cute and charming, but then they said the same about Caligula when he was a nipper." vs "Local people found him cute and possessed of all the charm of a young Caligula."
I think this retains the parallel, but may seem a little less like you're forcing it on people.
I also think you could have fun with the fact that as an idealistic young politician, he was passionate about avoiding any future conflict, and so inevitably drifted in the peaceful direction of fascism.
I may make a couple of edits myself, which of course you're more than welcome to discard if you don't like them.
I don't know how helpful this review is, but I'll have another think, I'm sure I can articulate just why I feel there's more to get from this, but hope this gives you the gist.
To sum up then: I like the idea of this article, and think that it's well within sight of being an excellent one, just a few tweaks to go. As always, other opinions are available if you don't like this one, and good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 15:36, 1 October 2007 (UTC)