Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Oh My God! There's a Meteor Heading Towards Us
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I think it's my first truley fleshed article I did. What do you guys think? --03:54, 28 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Hmm… well, for certain, the humour is there, but I think a section-by-section breakdown will help the most. Your opening was decent enough, worth the look and the read. I normally do not expect for the opening to be the “best” part of the article, and while there was nothing ‘’bad’’ about the opening, there was nothing too incredibly outstanding. The discussion of the relationship between the husband and his wife set a tone that I think could have been referenced to a bit later in the story (by having the guy lament or celebrate that he would no longer have to be bothered with his wife.
“What’s the big deal about?” provided a light gaffe after the scream “OMG TAMHTU! EP!” was issued. The rant was easy to understand and cohesive, following the tone of a panicked citizen screaming about how life was coming to an end. While tone is difficult to understand completely online, I got the well-used tone of PANIC and over-dramatic actions. It was, admissibly a good section, but not really hysterical. The jokes were there and the humour of an event that isn’t supposed to happen for another couple o’ million years, but it wasn’t really played out.
I feel that the “Burn in the Atmosphere” section would chronologically make sense more so than in its present place (explanation in prose). As for the humour, The addition of the global warming debate, although it was unexpected, does provide for a few laughs in a section that, from my point of view, was the best section of the article. (good job with that “government conspiracy part”, but maybe you could somehow link the government to the incoming meteor?)
The denial and optimism of the next section (Guys from Armageddon) was a decent chuckle, but not a belly ripper. The point raised of some simple city folks raiding a space shuttle and the “fast object + fast object = boom” part made this a very good section, second to the “Burn in the Atmosphere” section. The breakdown of not knowing basic algebra made sense, and was a decent chuckle.
The “Last Second” part was a nice section, but it feels almost as though it was an afterthought. Your reference to Superman was overbearingly obvious by the picture next to this section, and your downplay of the greatest superhero by pointing out the felicities of the comics was nice, sweet, and enjoyable. The Chuck Norris addition, thankfully, did not involve the addition of a stupid, pointless joke, which was sweet and good to see.
The last section changed the tone from panic to just upset/unhappy. As I mentioned earlier, I did like the wife throw-in, but I think that rather than “Stud” the article could be linked to “Elliot Spitzer” the recently disgraced governour of New York. The finality of the middle of the sentence being the meteor impact was the final addition to what is, overall, a decently humorous article. A 6 overall.
|Concept:||9||Honestly, I do not remember seeing any article about the End of the World, aside from that specific one, and this seemed to only be dealing with the end of a city, so… meh. The humour in this article, derived mostly from the concept, was about average to what I would expect from an Uncyclopaedia article. You covered all the sections I feel needed to be covered, and did a good job of conveying panic and emotion as the tale went on, so even though it isn’t perfect (and what is?!) I feel this deserves a 9.|
|Prose and formatting:||6||This is where you hit a few ‘’’bmups’’’. “initially cause the sun was too “ sounds incorrect owing to the face that “cause” is used incorrectly (Try Because in place of Cause, and put initially over initally). Another problem was found easily in the first section in this… “that I couldn't even get a divorce. I just” Instead of a period, I think a comma would have been a bit more… well-placed. For the grammar problems that I found in the first section, I think I will be directing you to UN:PS to catch all the rouge spelling and grammar problems, because, frankly, I am not an expert in this section.
Grammar aside, everything else in this article seemed well done, except, as I mentioned in Humour, the fact I think the “Armageddon” section and the “Burn up in the Atmosphere” section needs to be switched around. Blue links were abundant and relevant, I was happy to see that. The only way I could have found a red link would have been to put one in myself, bonus points in that department. Finally, the categories were abundant, well placed, and humourous, saving this section from a 5 to make it a solid 6.
|Images:||7||The first image that drew my attention was the meteour, and for good reason… it’s a big, flaming rock pouring out of the sky, how could it NOT get my attention?! After getting a read of the caption, my attention turned to the city below it to the left, about where the metour was heading, right towards the image of the city, which elicited the oppourtunity for a chuckle, especially when the caption under the city referred to the image of the meteour. Very good job in that section, I do daresay.
The image of the Armageddon actours was a decent addition when you consider the text next to the picture, and what the “people” in the article are discussing. Saying that “They can’t save you because they don’t exist” also elicited a hearty chuckle. The final picture, that of superman, set a nice impact and helped remind the reader of the futility of trying to stop a meteour. Good images, nice captions, definitely deserves a 6.
|Miscellaneous:||7||Avg’d as per Pee Review guidelines|
|Final Score:||35||This has quite the potential to become a featured article, but you need to put a bit of work in before it gets there.
Don’t worry too much about the score, this was a very good article that I enjoyed reading. When the problems I pointed out are fixed, I will have no problems at all voting for this article to become featured.
|Reviewer:||Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀ 05:14 April 25 2015|