Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/No Country for Old Men (film)
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What do you think of my article now?
Pythonofdoom 23:52, 8 November 2008 (UTC)
I think this needs a good bit more attention before it is reviewed, as there's not much to work with. It definitely needs to be expanded and spell-checked. Also, the humour is either random or sounds fairly observational (although i haven't seen the film yet) and never really conjures an out-loud laugh. The addition of a/some picture/s would be suggested too. Even a photoshopped poster advertising the film would do. --PaddyAtkinson 02:02, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
- Paddy, although your intentions are indeed noble and undoubtedly in good faith, I must intervene. This is not a review. Please use the table below in the future; if you have any questions about reviewing articles, please don't hesitate to ask either myself or my colleagues at PEEING.
- Python, I will review this article for now, although my friend Paddy has already touched on some good points. I'll expand what he said into a full review for you. @ 21:15 Nov 11
Pee Review In Progress
Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by:
|Humour:||3||Alright, let's start off by saying that you're looking exceptionally handsome today. I'm gonna try to be as nice as possible, because I can see that you're really trying here. It's a good effort, it's just a little misguided. Let me show you what I mean.
Your synopsis is not a terrible idea. Summing up the whole movie in a short paragraph can bear some humor value, however this is usually the easiest way to do things and can therefore be seen as the laziest. That's more of a conceptual issue that I will address later. Your jokes need some touching up as well. Just saying that he is a Mexican immigrant does not make for a good joke. Making stuff up is never a good idea, either. I'm running off of the assumption that your concept is to assume the character of a pissed off moviegoer who has little patience and therefore could not appreciate this movie. But would this character make up something stupid like poisoning the guy in the truck? I doubt he would even remember that part; even if he did, he wouldn't try to make it any more exciting than it actually was, he would go right over it like it was nothing.
This is what you need to get into the habit of doing when you write articles. Assume a character and write from that point of view. Have a goal. Think to yourself "what is the main message I want to convey? who is writing this article, and why?" Being able to write from different points of view is essential to humor writing, and it is a skill you can only develop through practice. You're on the right track, you just need to work at it.
The rest of it goes very downhill. You go from having a weak concept to having no concept. It falls apart. The cast of characters section has no real content or humor value; that is to say that you could remove the section entirely without interrupting the flow of the article (if it had a flow to begin with). Another technique when adding on to an article is to ask yourself "does this add to the humor value of this article? does it detract from it? is it distracting or does it flow?" Try this in the future. The sections that follow suffer from the same afflictions that do not bear repeating.
|Concept:||4||Let's get back to the concept. This article currently says to me that it is trying to satirize people that didn't have the patience for a movie like NCFOM. That can work, and here's why: the movie actually was hard to follow for those who are used to the instant gratification of AvP or Saw IV. If you're trying to make a statement about these kinds of people, that's great. It's fresh, its relevant to your topic, and it's actually a pretty good point that most readers will identify with. The problem here is with your execution and your lack of consistency. You need to take this great idea and follow through. Try turning this article into a narrative. Let's follow this character as he leaves the theater, confused by what just happened, and then frantically tries to persuade other moviegoers into seeing Hitman instead. Or perhaps he is an amateur movie reviewer posting to his blog. Or perhaps this could be set up as a poorly punctuated email to a friend asking about the movie. However you want to set this up is fine, so long as you execute.|
|Prose and formatting:||2||Oi, we've got some work to do here.
You have some capitalization errors, some grammatical errors, none of which I will pinpoint or name in particular. Basically, run this guy through a spell check and you'll be fine there.
But this comes back to what I've been talking about this whole time: who are you? What is your character's voice? Right now, you come across as just an inexperienced writer trying to make this look encyclopedic with the occasional silly outburst here and there. Tidy this up, make it one voice. This is something that just takes practice. Might I suggest reading through some of my friend Cajek's articles? He does a lot of what I'm talking about as far as assuming a character and running with it. Your homework assignment is to read Otter before taking this article back to the garage; Otter is a good example of an assumed character.
|Images:||0||Alas, you have no images; you receive no score for this section.|
|Final Score:||11.3||I have a good feeling about this article. I know that it looks pretty empty now, but I feel that this could really take off if you just give it a little juice. It'll take some work, but I think that if you apply some of the knowledge I've provided you with, you can really make this a great article. It just needs some TLC.
PLEASE feel free to contact me on my talk page if you need any further help/advice/
|Reviewer:||@ 21:56 Nov 11|