Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Nicholas II

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edit Nicholas II

A newbie requested that I review this page, but he hadn't created a Pee request yet, so I've created the page and reviewed it in one. --Some_idiot.png 09:57, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 4 Hello, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! It seems you’ve started with a bit of bad luck – getting you article ICU’d. Don’t worry, it was the same case for me. Luckily, I managed to improve it from a very helpful Pee Review. And that’s what we’re going to do here. I’ll give you some suggestions, comments, etc. Don’t worry about the scores on the left, they’re nothing important at the moment. Just listen to what I’ve got to say so you can crank out the best article possible. Ok? Then let’s start…

Your article is not greatly funny. There are a few jokes here, but they don’t score the laughs you are aiming for. The reason your article is a bit weak is because of these problems…

  • You don’t have any great ideas to work on, because the concept is unsure of itself
  • The ideas you have used haven’t been used very well
  • The way your article is written needs to be improved
  • And some other formatting and style things

Just listing them isn’t going to help you much, so I’ll go into them more in the sections below. If you improve these things your humor will greatly increase, as they are the big problems here and drown out your attempts to get some jokes into your article.

Concept: 2 There are some big problems in this section. The first problem is you haven’t got a clear concept. You don’t actually introduce who Nicholas II is. I happened to look him up on Wikipedia, and he appears to be an Emperor of Russia, or something like that. So you need to create an introduction. An introduction won’t have any title – it’s just a paragraph explaining who the guy was. And that’s what you really need to to do here – because if a reader doesn’t know who the person is, they can’t get any of the jokes.

The second problem is that you’ve got some political leader, and then made up a load of random facts about him that are completely out of this world. Now that can be funny, a bit amusing at it's best, but at the moment it doesn’t really strike any LOLs. There are a couple of things you could do to improve this.

First of all, you can keep most of the random stuff, but try and make it a bit less random, and try and relate it to the guy himself. Just making up random facts that are not in any way related to him won’t work as well as some stuff that is at least a bit relative.

The best way to help out this problem, however, is to add some different types of humor in the article. Sometimes people add different types of humor into their article, and end up with a completely unreadable article that can’t stay put on an idea, and never gets a laugh – so you’ve got to do this properly. Adding different styles of humor into an article like yours will not only make it funnier but make it more interesting overall. You may like to add a derivative comment or two – “He then ordered a hundred men to go fight in the battle. They were instantly killed. I mean, how stupid can someone get?” Maybe you’d like to play on specific things that are known about him, like Bloody Friday, the fact that he was the last Emperor… etc, and try and make some funny stuff about those things.

It can be hard to add different types of humor into your article, but if you do, it will greatly improve your article. Trust me.

There’s one more problem I would like to talk about here. You haven’t quite used your concept to it’s potential. There are two different ways you haven’t. First of all, your article is very short, as you probably can see. Check out the Wikipedia article on Nicholas II. See how long it is? You can say a lot about someone. So make more sections, each on different aspects – early life, early career, wars, Bloody Friday, death… everything you can think of! Try and milk out everything you can – but don’t make the article TOO long, or it may be a bit offputting to the reader.

I also think you not only need to expand the actual article, but the ideas you have used here themselves. Things like the fact that he was the last Emperor – you don’t just have to state it, but you can also go more into it. Why was he the last Emperor? This is the same with all the seperate ideas you have brought up throughout the article. You’ve only mentioned them, when you could juice out much more to create a much longer and funnier article.

Prose and formatting: 2 This is also a big weakness in your article. The biggest thing here is your style of writing, and the state of your spelling and grammar. Your article reads as if the writer was writing it as fast as possible, and didn’t stop to read what he had read. Who knows, maybe that is the case. However, we don’t want it to read like that. You’ve got to slow down everything, and most of all, help out with the spelling. Re-read, re-read and re-read. If you’re not great at spelling and grammar, copy it to a Microsoft Word document and do a spellcheck. I always recommend to someone who needs spelling help to add {{Profread}} to your article. This is definitely the biggest (or at least equal biggest) problem with you article.

On the subject of formatting, you article also needs a little bit of fixing up. First of all, you don’t need to put big spaces between paragraphs – the titles separate them anyway. Also, an introduction would look good, but I’ve already gone into that. However, most importantly…

Images: 0 …you have no pictures. Luckily, this score could go up easily, because there is a simple answer – get pictures! Brainstorm for picture ideas – of course you could get a picture of Nicholas himself, but also of his fellow government, Bloody Friday, his wife… If you can’t find any funny pictures, just try and write a funny caption. This isn’t the easiest subject to get funny pictures for, but I know you will be able to get some.

However, you are pretty new to Uncyclopedia. If you don’t know how to add pictures to an article, contact me on my talkpage.

Miscellaneous: 4 My overall grade of your article. And a note – I think you should add a quote or two. If you don’t know what exactly an Uncyclopedia quote is, go to any page on this site. You make a quote with {{Q|Quote here|Person who said the quote|subject of the quote}}, and it will become…
“Quote here”
~ Person who said the quote on subject of the quote

Quotes are a bit overused around here but a well written quote is always a gem.

Final Score: 12 So, a lot to think about, eh? I have said a lot here. It's ok, you can sit down, re-read the review, try and make sense of it all. To sum everything up – this article definitely needs improvement, which is why the ICU was tagged. However, it was tagged because it was a short article, and if you follow my suggestions in this review, it will definitely become much better! I hope this review has helped you out (at least a little), and I hope to see writing more stuff here soon!
Reviewer: --Some_idiot.png 09:57, September 2, 2010 (UTC)
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