Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Neodymium

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edit Neodymium

UUtea A big mug o' reviewin' strength tea? Why, that must mean this article
is being reviewed by:
UU - natter UU Manhole
(While you're welcome to review it as well, you might like to consider helping someone else instead).
(Also, if the review hasn't been finished within 24 hours of this tag appearing, feel free to remove it or clout UU athwart the ear'ole).

Tell you what, I'll take a look. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 21:48, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

Humour: 3 OK, I'm really sorry, but there isn't much. It's some random, unconnected stuff about Neodymium. To be honest, the only bit I smiled at was the "See Also" section - I kind of liked the redundancy there. But unfortunately, random stuff isn't particularly funny, particularly when you're not really working with your concept. Speaking of which...
Concept: 4 I think you've got an idea here, which is "send up people who believe that magnetic jewellery can have a beneficial effect on their health". You've also picked up on the idea that the strong magnets could adversely affect some people's health. But you've just not taken this very far.
Prose and formatting: 4 Woah, template overload at the top! There is very rarely a need for many templates, and for many people a page topped with several templates is an instant signal to skip along. So remove a couple. I'd suggest just leaving the "Dangerous" one. Lists are also bad, particularly when they don't add anything to the article, as here. Lose 'em. In most cases, any worthwhile content in a list can be included in a paragraph, which is often funnier if properly written.
Images: 4 Hmm, two of them, neither particularly high quality, and neither really relevant to the article. Not a great score here either.
Miscellaneous: 3.8 Averaged according to our cult rules.
Final Score: 18.8 OK, see my comments below. I definitely think there's comedic potential in this concept, but you've not really scrtched the surface of it. However, don't despair at this low score, you can turn it around if you put in the effort.
Reviewer: --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 22:28, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

Just a couple of things to say really. First, some general advice I often give in this situation: find some spare time, get a nice, hot cup of your favourite beverage, and read HTBFANJS and some featured articles - that should give you a good idea about writing an article for this site. This is not intended to patronise you, I do this regularly, as do many of the better authors around here.

Next, stick to your content. That random story about Alex can go for starters. There's plenty to focus on here. Like the fact that people are wearing a highly magnetic material that can be powerful enough to wipe hard drives and credit cards as jewellery, for one! Then there's the fact that this stuff, which is often coated with another metal in such a way that it's easily cracked, and can potentially burst into very sharp splinters, is used in children's toys! Or just the fact that it's one of the so-called 'rare' metals, despite not being remotely rare... Focus on the absurdity of the use of this material that can be magnetised to hold 1300 times its own weight in personal effects. And stay on topic. There's enough abssurdity in this subject without adding in kittens and Harry Potter and other random stuff.

And finally, ask for help if you're struggling. If you do a significant amount more work but get stuck, you could ask me on my talk page, I may have a few more ideas. Or this is a list of others happy to help (take your time, find one who's active - some haven't been seen in ages!) who are probably better at it than me. But most people around here are happy to help if they can see you're trying. and most of them will make funny contributions if asked nicely.

So don't let the score get you down - take this as a start point, and make a damn good article that will force me to give you a great review another time! And remember - this is only my opinion, others are available. And good luck! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 22:28, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

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