Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Neo Geo
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
S3ahawk 15:56, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
- I'll do this review asap. — [19:07 14 August 2010]
|Humour:||3||Read this, first, second, last and always
I have never heard of the Neo Geo before. And don't really know much about gaming consoles. I did quickly Google it though, just to find out what it was. Remember your article should be funny even if nobody has heard of the subject.
|Concept:||6||There is potential here. From my quick dip into the Neo Geo world it seems like you have a crap, and hilariously unsuccessful game controller here. So comedy gold! Right? Right? Well, not if you just charge in. And I'm afraid that's what it seems like a little, here. You've just gone for the obvious overkill. Take a different and unexpected angle. There's not much more to say though, because you haven't actually got a clearly defined 'concept'. You haven't come up with a clear way to approach this yet, it seems. Other than a ranting, hatey sort-of make-fun-of-the-dying-failure sort of style. Prod the dead bitch! Because the Neo Geo (it seems to me) is so terrible and bad and failure-ish in every way it is very easy to go wrong, here. You have to make this extra good to find the funny. There are obvious things: cartridge size for one. And, if I may be permitted to repeat, how badly it sucked! So approach this awesome suckage in a new and cleverer way.
Don't say: "The Neo Geo sucks!" Do say: "The Neo Geo is awesome and revolutionary!" (We laugh because it is not. We laugh at the way it seems the author is trying to make the terrible Neo Geo seem appealing)
I've given you a 6 because I'm counting your concept simply as the thing you've picked to write about. And there is comedy in the Neo Geo. Don't give up!
|Prose and formatting:||6||I'm afraid the formatting is a bit messy.
Here is really where I should be telling you about the tone, I suppose. You need a distinct tone or style. Also, some of your wording should be more elegant. Are you going to go for a friend-to-friend conversational style or a Wikipedia style? Decide, then make the article fits the bill and does not confuse between the two. You could adopt any style you want, really. But make that style consistent. Otherwise the reader tends to be a little confused.
I would focus on working on improving the humour score, however, before coming back to worry about the formatting. If you work on this I will be willing to give you a re-review to see how you've done and suggest any further pointers etc. Or you are welcome to request another review from another user, after working on it a little.
|Images:||5||Meh. Are they relevant? Yes. Are they making me laugh myself dead? No. Pictures of the huge game cartridges could potentially be very funny. Also perhaps you need some photoshopped images in there? If you can't do this yourself, then you can always request some from Uncyclopedia makes you one. We won't bite. Don't have that many ideas at the moment for images.
Small formatting tip: I think an article looks more balanced if you have one (1) image on the right in the (or near the) introduction section, then the next image is on the left of the page, and then the next on the right. So the images swap from side to side. In my personal opinion the article just looks neater this way.
As for the video. I personally think it makes the article look un-Wikipedia-ish and does not really add much. I don't understand why the video would make you laugh. Concentrate on images and loose the video, I'm afraid.
A few ideas for images:
I'm out of ideas for images at the moment. Sorry. That's it. But concentrate on improving the humour score before images and such like.
|Final Score:||25||Humour is subjective. My comments aren't set in stone. There are innumerable ways of coming at this article. Don't be downhearted by my criticisms. In my opinion, and my opinion only, this article is not very funny at the moment. But no one's first article is very funny on their first draft. Don't give up. Spend some time reading things such as this, for example. Think of a way you want to approach this article and then get editing!
Do not give up! There is potential here. Beautiful, radiant potential.
Do not hesitate to ask me questions! Ask me here.
Do not just copy and paste the suggestions I've made and expect your article to be instantly hilarious. They're fairly unfunny suggestions and examples, trying to demonstrate what I mean. Look at my suggestions, yes, and interpret them in your own way, yes, but do not copy them. Not too much.
Get rid of this article's hatey ranting approach! I'm afraid that's how it comes across and it just does not work.
And also, Do not give up! Do not be disheartened by the low scores!
P.S. Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush. So I apologise if you find spelling mistakes etc.
|Reviewer:||—[21:04 14 August 2010]|