Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Negotiation

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edit Negotiation

Yet another PEE request. I'll try and get back into reviewing myself after I've whored this one.

I'm surprised there wasn't already an article on negotiating, so I thought the article could work with a concept that wraps around article as an actual negotiation for the article itself, with a rich businessman refusing to hand over the article. The article progresses to a part where the businessman is talked out of commiting suicide, before being convinced to give up business altogether to become a crocodile hunter. The businessman himself is supposed to be dyslexic, hence the strange corruption that lives inside his use of language. There is a heavy disruption of flow in his words - all intentional. To top it off, there are grammatical mistakes and words that don't exist. So bear this in mind before letting rip with the score on the article's prose.

It's clearly rough in parts. It may even need a bit of expansion, or it may even be acceptable in it's current state, I'm not sure - this is where you come in. I'll be wanting to take this article as far as possible. Thanks in advance for the review. SoIwastolazytolearnGermanic.jpg-kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 22:47, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

I'll take a shot saying what I think --kit 10:31, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
Humour: 4 Within its concept this article is really well written. Its quite a subtle and original way to describe negotiation. Somehow though I think the negotiation itself isnt present enough. Sure its gotta be hard to create answers to that rich guy since the reader wont answer, literally. I guess hat is why you create that rich guy to go nuts on itself based on our own silence. It works ok but I still think it only represents one side of what negotiating is. Where is the bargaining, the pleading, the refusing to pay more or get payed less. Some of this feelings show very well but others are left out - maybe because its hard to get that his actually negotiating with the reader/author; whom never answers.

Another thing is how the article lacks quick and witty jokes. In its whole, its quite entertaining and had me smile a few times but there was never any out loud laughs; no jokes I'll remember for more 15 mins. Your last paragraf about the businessman going to the outback was the closest you got to that in my opinion. In a sense the humour here is maybe a bit too subtle, too general. Its hard to grasp what is actually made fun of, what is critisized or described in a funny way - and maybe that was your idea; to show some guy negotiationg - but its to subtle.

Concept: 4 The concept is partly why I didnt enjoy the article that much. Don't get me wrong. Its really well written and its a great idea but I'm simply not sure its the best one to describe negotiations. It feels as if the whole article is an introduction to the "real" article. As if its a short parody and the article will soon begin.

Generally I prefer descriptive/serious articles that somehow manage to mix real information with totally made up stuff in a "believable" way. In your article you never say a word about negotiating - the whole article is a negotiation. Its original but either that concept should be fine tuned (and I think that may be really hard) or you should go with another approach. One were you describe what negotiating is in a more traditional way - filled with original ideas, factual errors and witty jokes of course. If you do decide to stick with your concept (which I guess you'll do though I dont really approve =P ) try to make the negotating itself clearer. As Ive already said, the negotiating is a bit to transparent - maybe create a person his negotiating with or emphasize his reactions and why he reacts in those respective ways.

Prose and formatting: 10 Indeed your prose is simply awesome. Your english and imitation of a businessman (at least the idea one has of a businessman) is right on. There was no single sentence or even amde up word I got stuck on. It all sounded like it should and was easy to read. In fact it was so well written I can't come up with any comments or ideas or things whatsoever to say other than - Wow.

Maybe its my english but I honestly believe to be of great quality =) As for the formatting the number of picture is just fine. You might want to separate a bit more the yelling in your "You got his far huh?" section from the rest of the text; let is stand out a bit more.

Images: 8 Within your concept; all your images except the last one fit in very well and are humourously commented. The last one though seems a bit too pushy or "last minute". It kinda contradicts the rest of the pictures in its style and colour and therefore feels as if you just put it there because you wanted one more picture and couldnt find any other.
Miscellaneous: 5 Even though I still think this concept isnt the optimal one for this article this is one of the best "character creations" Ive read in a long time. It really felt like I could know and feel this businessman. The flow of the text was just great so +5 for that.
Final Score: 31 I've made it quite clear now. I was both awed and disappointed by your article. Really really impressive and well written but in my opinion it simplt doesnt fit as an article on negotiation. In your place I'd go and write an awesome UnBook or HowTo with that great character (businessman) of yours. Thats just my opinion though. Maybe you can somehow outline and create even more focus on the negotiating itself, thus making this work. If you do; this might just end up as an awesome article. If not, well your character is still great so better luck next time =) Cheers
Reviewer: --kit 11:07, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
A fantastic review! I know someone who's getting a golden shower award! Me! --SoIwastolazytolearnGermanic.jpg-kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 11:52, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
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