Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Nazi Kittens
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Waylander37 12:39, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
Ive got this one --Waylander37 19:28, June 3, 2011 (UTC)00:57, May 17, 2011 (UTC) Thanks for the advice --
|Humour:||4||Ill start this all straight out by saying: To me at least, this is a totally random article, with a bunch of off the wall crazy ideas, memes and absurd singe (or even half) sentence lines thrown together with no idea of concept behind it and not one idea being particularly funny. Okay, so that probably feels like a big punch in the face...its not meant to be though and you shouldn't take it that way. There are all sorts of cute ideas in this article and any one of them could be expanded to be funny, especially the moustache one. The moustache bit is cute and has potential. But since not a single idea is developed, since there isnt even anything close to a story line or concept behind this article, none of the potential humour of this article comes out at all. This doesn't mean that the article cannot be rewritten and or restructured. You probably have to make some decisions here (think of it as creative destruction, don't be afraid to delete stuff you have written, even if its funny on its own, even if it makes you laugh in your own head...if it just doesn't fit or it it doesn't flow with whats before or whats after, save that gold material for another article or experiment more). In my humble and honest opinion, you have to cut a whole lot of the content out of this article and build on what is the least silly of your ideas. We all find castrating animals funny in many contexts. So are animals shot into outer space. But a short article talking about all of these things will probably never stop hitting the reader over the head with zany nutty stuff. Suggestions?: cut the dolphin out, cut Japan out, cut the castrating stuff out. Cut most of it, stick to the funniest ideas, plan an overall concept for the article and write. There is material in there...why not pick some of it and go from there?
There are cute moments.
Lets look at this article section by section. The intro is a wikipedia style summary of how the nazi kitten party was formed. The whisker motif is cute though it remains just cute. The next paragraph is a random improvised jumble of memes and ideas that really seems designed to shock and offend, without any real idea behind it. Meownich Putch: This paragraph is even more random. While there is another cute motif "meownich" and some allusions to history, again, i dont understand what the idea here is. You probably have it in your mind...but its not communicated to me. The following paragraph is the first moment something is developed in the article. The moustache motif. There is some cleverness here, a possibility to take an idea further. Why not write a whole lot more about the moustache!? Theres an idea expressed over more than one sentence. While I don´t find it super extra funny, it is cute and could be made into something quite funny with more thought. Political Victory: This paragraph has so many random ideas and absurd things jumping out, I cannot concentrate on anything. While there may be some slightly cute ideas, this paragraph is so jumbled and garbled I can't even laugh if I want to. There is at least two if not on average four ideas mentioned in each sentence. None of them connected in any way to another except that somehow kitten hitler is doing crazy stuff. As I said, take your cute ideas, and develop them and make them funnier! WWII: This paragraph is no different. All the jokes are basically easy ones to make, the french surrender, the Russians lose lives etc. But what about it? There is SO MUCH you can make fun of just on ONE of these topics. Why did the french surrender? How did it happen? Where the French just busy eating croissants when the Germans invaded? Were they caught with their trousers down making love to their many lovers? Were the French just rabbits who spent all day rabbiting and had no feelings for war? To name just a few questions that could be explored on just one of the topics touched on in this section. Any of these could be developed into an entire section, easily. The moustache part is touched on, its cute, again, the closest thing to funny in the article. Why don't you focus more on that? List: Beware of lists! :) WWIII: Cute...again though...pick and develop.
|Concept:||4||This article has a funny tone, a lot of off the wall zany cute lines, but it has no concept. Its a silly story about kittens that are Nazi's. Unfortunately not one section has a concept or theme. They are all individual, disconnected sections, which themselves, as sections are a series of disconnected sentences of random jokes. So...the first thing you should do is probably pick a concept. Ideas? You can write the article as though it is a copy of a wikipedia article. Follow the structure of the actual article for Nazi´s or the Nazi party and somehow throw in cats there. I don't think thats going to be easy to do while keeping it very funny. Instead, I would suggest writing an article about post war Europe, destroyed after WWI, where all animals are trying to get along. Meanwhile, cats, somehow, start to gain power, by leading all the other animals. As they grow in power, they start to persecute one particular animal (perhaps dogs, or dolphins, whatever is really funny). The Hitler of the cats should be short and screeching and hysterical when he gives speeches. As the cats try to extend their order, controlling the other animals too much, trying to get other countries to exterminate their dogs, forcing male animals to grow hitler like whisker moustaches, they lose control. Finally, Russian bears, British whatever and American eagels come in with a coordinated attack. The cats hold on until the end. Hitler cat commits suicide with a bullet to the head rather than give in.
This is a concept to work on. A narrative. Its a pretty superficial one, pretty bare, but at least here there is a story line, and something the reader can follow. There is also opportunity here to add some random jokes once in a while, without completely cluttering the entire article with random memes and childish whims. But don't just pick my story line if it doesn't inspire you...make your own. But a story with a beginning, conflict, struggle and resolution (even if its only a few paragraphs). I would suggest that injecting actually funny humour into a structure like that would take TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME! Coming up with ways to play on animal characteristics, finding things about cats that are Nazi like. Finding ways to make the author feel bad for the dog jews...yet still keep it funny. Writing a hilarious Hitler cat suicide scene. Writing character development...will take a lot of brainstorming and conceptualising. I would seriously recommend moving this to your user space for the time being and completely restructuring this article. Look at other articles that have touched on cats, Nazi-ism and over the top ideas for inspiration as well as HTBFANJS. Some writers here take months to polish an article. I don't claim to be a great writer here, but I am still working on an article 6 months after I started it. Im not saying you have to spend 6 months writing something, Im not saying that at all, but all articles need time time time!!! Thought thought thought. Concept concept concept. And funny, not silly.
|Prose and formatting:||4||As with humour and concept, this article is completely all over the place prose wise. There is not one single good article in this entire wiki that is random sentences not connected. Perhaps Salamanders is a wild rant of random ideas...though even with that article, each paragraph has a beginning, middle and end with the punchlines varied, well placed in the paragraphs and very well thought out. As your article stands now, I could move the paragraphs around, the sentences around and it really wouldn't change the article at all. Think about that when writing. There really probably should be a clear order to your ideas, sections, structure and content. I shouldn't be able to mix up all the sentences and NOT really change your article. At least in my opinion. As I've said, there are cute ideas that can be developed further. Prove me wrong!!!|
|Images:||4||The images are okay, but why not play on the concept of hitler. Make hitler look like a cat. Try to find a picture of the crazy hysterical hitler and add cat ears etc... Ask a chopper to make one. The post man pat image is actually pretty funny, but theres no connection to the article If you do chose to write a narrative much like the structure I suggested, then add images that go along with the story line. As they are now, they are just like the article, random and all over the place. Check out Forum:Vote_for_Unimage_of_the_Year_2011 and you will find an historical leader with ears.|
|Miscellaneous:||10||10 points for encouragement. Writing a funny article about Nazi Kittens is a challenge...go for it. Have fun. Don't hesitate to ask other experienced users for ideas.|
|Final Score:||26||Don't take this as a big ranting trashing of your article. I seriously encourage you to take the premise, some of your ideas...(make decisions) and expand, plan, conceptualise, think, write, rewrite and spend time on it. Theres no reason this article can't be hilarious.|
|Reviewer:||--04:22, May 17, 2011 (UTC)|