Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Navy FIELD
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Thenooblord 03:19, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
|Humour:||2||Alright, this article was very weak when it came to humour. This entire thing was very random and seemed too desperate to be funny. Those are the main issues I see with this. What I mean by random, is pretty obviously the entire idea turning from battleships to bathtubs and missles to rubber ducks. Some randomness can be funny, but an entire article built upon a weak change in what you are talking about begins to seem pointless and in the end, is stupid. It may help to give HTBFANJS a read through.
A big thing you seem to need to learn, is that a little seriousness needs to be in your article, so that way, people can connect and it isn't just a complete confusion, only partly confusion. Secondly, you try too hard to be funny. Every sentence seems to try to crack a joke which just isn't necessary. Most of the time you need to be serious at times in order for everyone to understand what is going on.
|Concept:||5||A concept on MMO bashing always is interesting and can often be quite funny. The way you take it though, just seems a bit too silly. Bathtubs and rubber duckys are a bit TOO extreme for my taste in anything with a concept like this. You can most likely fix this entire article, but first, you are going to need to build it from ground up. This means you need to pick a new direction you want to take your concept, and build from there. Also, when you start your article, it seems like it is going to be talking about how it traps you, and most of your article isn't about that, so you should try to introduce your point a little better in the beginning.|
|Prose and formatting:||4||Your prose wasn't horrible. You did have links and sections broken off which is all good and well. What you need to fix though, are the places where you have one or two lined sections. This gives your article a very weak feel. Also, this is highly list-based, which is not a good method. Consider forming this into a more encyclopedic format so it will not only look better, but will be easier to read.|
|Images:||0||There were none. Every article should have at least three, add some to give your article a better look, as well as increase its appeal and readability.|
|Miscellaneous:||4||Averaged, plus a point for being new ;)|
|Final Score:||15||Alright, you need some major redirection if you ever plan on saving this thing. Get rid of the randomness and make something a bit closer to the truth. You can do it! It'll just take some work! Good luck!|
|Reviewer:||--Tagstit 08:42, 19 January 2009 (UTC)|
Hi this is the first article ive written other than my user page, so i hope i can get some good feedback!