Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/My visit with Aunt Myfanwy (2nd opinion)
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First review suggested I dumb down and insert toilet humour. I'd prefer to improve this article in any other way. Again, probably better if you have some clue what I'm talking about. IronLung 20:29, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
- let's doooo this. --Nachlader 12:04, 2 December 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||4||When you first put this article forward for a review and a damn good spanking, I was about to spend my saturday morning reviewing it. In the end, I just spent morning, afternoon and evening procrastinating instead. So I somewhat need to apologise for that.
One of the reasons I didn't find this article very funny is that it is an endless ramble. When I go on a holiday, I may get homesick after just two days and I start counting the days left until I finally go home, only to find there is an entire week left in this place and it ends up feeling like an eternity. The same effect is applied here. Rambling articles can be funny sometimes, but this article doesn't work that way. One of the humour tools is the effect of random stupidty, such as the Welsh for "Megatron" being... "Megatron". I didn't find most of those lines, the former being the poorest, very good.
Also if you wanted a humour tool to be inflicted within the "there's a good boy!" style of narration, it has quite the adverse effect. It makes me depressed.
|Concept:||4||As far as I can think of it, this concept borders the whole anti-thisculture/nation/people/whatever idea. Stereotypes can be funny, but in some cases, they are just jokes we've heard before. For example, there is a stereotype joke in football where a criminal robs a football club's trophy room and the police are told to look for a rug, but this joke could be applied with any football club that you just happen to dislike. It isn't exclusive. The fact that you, for example, literally dictate Gavin as a backward, idiot racist due to being Welsh is a stereotype doesn't work because you could fit that profile to anyone. Having an exclusivity in your concept and humour really puts the article forward. Some stereotypes are exclusive to topics and you do claim such a joke. For example, the joke about most towns in Wales beginning with the "Ll" prefix is good line (although you needen't capitalise the second 'l'), although you did screw it up a bit:
"We played I Spy With My Little Eye Something Beginning With X, where X is replaced by X or another letter, apart from LL because everything begins with LL here" I think this would be much better off as "We played I Spy on the way as we passed the villages and hamlets in the countryside, but it was too easy as every town began with an 'L', if not two."
It is also probably a satire on a holiday, or an occasion where a nephew visits his aunt. That part of the concept does not appeal to me greatly, although this is just my opinion.
|Prose and formatting:||6||Not bad, if not a little deprived and ugly in parts. You tend to unnecessarily capitalise words, which scares me away from giving the prose a 7:
There are no typos, no red links, or any bad formatting. You could however, add a Wikipedia template linking the reader to the Wiki article on Caernarfon. Some of the text just feels like a bunch of one liners. Attach some lonely lines to each other and a paragraph will result. Also, when you mention the name of a game, it is generally italicised. So "Spy With My Little Eye Something Beginning With X" should really be in italics. Also, the correct name of the aforementioned name is actually "I Spy".
|Images:||6||Four images supplied, which in itself is good thinking. However, that's not to say they are humourous. The captions are left to do the work of simply explaining why they're even there. The first image is good, if not fitting. But the picture of the house and Lloyd George just seem unimportant. The dragon is otherwise a nice addition.
To support the stereotype humour, isn't there a picture you could find that is linked to Wales? Perhaps a Welsh person on a phone, and the caption saying "The phone is a new invention here" or something.
|Final Score:||25||I suppose you should try and focus on a stereotype view of Wales that couldn't be found in the actual article OF Wales. Also, concentrate the humour upon a family visit between nephew and aunt. Add a relevant image, maybe remove Lloyd George, and I think the article will pull off.
That said, there are other opinions available. Good luck.
|Reviewer:||--Nachlader 12:04, 2 December 2008 (UTC)|