Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/My visit with Aunt Myfanwy
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I would like an opinion on this one. Probably better if you have some idea what I'm talking about, but hopefully this is not necessary. IronLung 02:36, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||5||Funny, worth reading, but not roflmao. There is room for toilet humour. The subtle jokes are decent, but req too much concentration/intelligence, something that is best left outside uncyclopedia. There is scope for slapstick humour. Elaborate on Gavin's hate for Pakis.
I didn't get many jokes. Why is peanut butter disgusting? What is it with the translations from Welsch to English?
|Concept:||6||The concept is flexible, but not original. The 1st person style has been used in many ways, like in I maed a yuky doody and UnBooks:Diary of... Maybe you could reformat this as a 4th grade essay, complete with the teachers comments and grade? Putting authentic red-ink based 'corrections' will be a challenge.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||No grammatical problems, and the child-like simplicity adds to the humour. It can simpler and funnier though. See I maed a yuky doody.|
|Images:||5.5||Original pics, but none of them are roflmao. They reflect the articles mood and setting properly.|
|Miscellaneous:||5||I get the impression that this is just a big in-joke, but I could be wrong/stupid.|
|Final Score:||28.5||Authentic article, so much so that I feel you stole it from an authentic 4th grader.|
|Reviewer:||Vader1941 15:15, 29 November 2008 (UTC)Vader1941|
Quick second opinion: I liked it. It's not meant to be roflmao, it's meant to be a good read with some good chuckles, and it hits that quite well, for me. I think adding slapstick humour would hinder this - it works well as it is. Possibly elaborating on the xenophobia might be fun - I liked the foreigners from Birmingham particularly, and the Welsh translations got a chuckle too. And the slate plates. Perhaps a few more slate items would make a nice running joke to accompany the rain one?
I do think it runs out of steam a little towards the end, and perhaps you could spend a little more time on that - I don't want to make too many suggestions, you obviously know what you're doing, but it does feel a little like you just wanted to finish it by the time you got so far.
I'm not sure how this would play on VFH, might make a loud "whoosh" noise as it flies over the heads of many Americans. Best I can say on that is: I'd vote for it. Nice one! --UU - natter 18:02, Nov 30
- I loved it, was laughing all the way through. Maybe it's a Welsh thing? Or maybe it's because Aunt Myfanwy is so uncannily like my own Aunt Rhiannon? In saying that, I probably wouldn't vote for it to be featured just yet, but in the hope of encouraging the author to develop the idea I'll also say it wouldn't take a great deal of work at all to get my vote. RabbiTechno 18:08, 30 November 2008 (UTC)