She's been out there for a while and I'm just wondering what she is worth. Again, if you are going to Pee on the old girl, then you have to be specific. If all you can do is a muster a "I don't get it" then find another article to piss over.
Dame GUNPotYWotM2xPotM17xVFHVFPPooPMS•YAP• 16:27, 30 January 2009 (UTC)
i like it. i am drawn in, finding myself to read the rest of the article, especially to find out what the unforgiveable sin was. well done. i feel like you could add one or two more sentences to round it out and take it from a brief intro to a proper prologue.
girl - vixen: 7
a soild continuation. nothing laugh-out-loud, but some nice touches with the mudpies and the coming-of-age comparions. the avoidance of even a fleeting mention of the 'sin' heightens the reader's sense of apprehension, and it will better the punchline, i bet (not having read the punchline yet).
ah, good. i like the mini-bar in the tank and things of that nature, they really drill the point home of what you're going for. perhaps an explanation of the nature of her codename? a little more about her cover story in egpyt? i think you could flesh this part out to be the main part of the article, describing in detail mrs j's methods and means.
the unforgiveable sin: 9
there it is, the punchline. nicely done. i like the specific way you told it, with the narrator's official, unflinching tone conveying the same air one would expect a superagent of the 50s/60s like mrs j to have. the list was sort of tedious, perhaps incorporating that into a paragraph would serve better.
4/5 for a subject seemingly made up, but fleshed out enough to be believable. i might be fooled into thinking there is an actual mrs j from history, or even a cartoon version of some sort.
5/5 points for execution. dancing around the joke, then delivering the punchline with astonishing detail? excellent.
Prose and formatting:
i have to say your prose left something to be desired. i'll give you a proofread, but feel free to go through and check my edits as i tend to fix stuff that may be intentional/british.
hmm, i cant say the images add anything special to the article. the first one is a good opening image with a decent enough caption. the second one is also adequate, but that's it. maybe if you extended the middel part of your article with more descriptions of mrs j in action you could find room for another pic.
averaged. plus one point for saving this from VFD!
my preview button tells me that your score is 37.5, placing this article square between 'adequate' and 'above adequate' on the pee scale. i feel like this could easily be a feature with a little more content, and it would certainly get my vote with minimal improvement. however, if VFH is your eventual desire, i recommend spending some time, reading it over thoroughly, and extending the reach of this article by going into detail with the facts you've already laid down. ialso think you could do a little more at the end with the whole 'turning into a blatant advertisement for lysol out of nowhere' gag. good job and good luck!