Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mothers Against Noise
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A satire that I've tried hard to make readable despite mentioning artists no-one's ever heard of. I've tried to make it so it doesn't really matter what names I've mentioned. Hope you like it! ~FAG! +chatline "if it ain't broke, break it" (CUN·VFH) 11:51, 19 June 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||I think the article needs a little expansion particularly the Noize Annoyz section.In that section you should have it more about how and why Noise is taking over. Although it’s more of a format issue I’d have Noize annoyz (especially if you expand it) before the Noise artists and how to deal with them.
You said that you made it so it didn’t really matter what names the bands were called, well what you could do is give them satirical names, like further emphasising the particular brand of evil noise they’re making.
I really didn’t get your joke in the Merzbow section so I think you may have to make that clearer (or maybe I’m just thick).
Most of the other stuff seemed quite good though.
I think what might be funny is if you include a pseudo-review of one of these Noise concerts, written in the style of one of these mothers. Yeah something like that would give it a bit more, Also you could have a interview (like the one you have a link to) that has the MAN making fun of the Interviewers “ridiculous notions”. There is more you can do and I definitely think the article needs expansion.
|Concept:||7||The concept seems OK, mothers (and conservatives) completely overreacting to things they don’t understand it’s sort of been done a lot but invariably it’s funny. It works well here as it’s such a silly thing (being taken seriously).|
|Prose and formatting:||6||I think with the layout you could have made it feel (and sound) a little more like a protest leaflet or website.
I think the article was maybe a little too short for it’s topic as well and you could maybe expand it a little bit. And there was quite a lot of unnecessary white space which I think should be cleared up.
The list I didn’t like because it broke up the tone and I think you could make it sound better if you converted it into some prose. For example instead of just the ten things you could have one thing leading into the next. And have things in between, something like this: “First the music causes your teen to rebel not only against you but against society as a whole; often the rebellion is manifested as violence...” and so on, preferably with some jokes thrown in (but that’s kinda obvious).
|Images:||8||I liked the images; they added a couple of nice one-liners.
With the first pic I’d have the caption saying just “This is a MAN” as the second half of the caption (as it is) is kind of redundant.
The second picture was good, funny as it gives the idea of irrational fear and hyperbole that some of these organisations employ.
The third pic was also good for similar reasons to the second.
I think it might be good to squeeze in a picture depicting the Noise with a caption similar to this: “If noise was visual it’d look like this” and the picture could be something like a broken home or a train wreck or something (you get the idea).
|Final Score:||35||Geezus, I’m sorry this took me so long, like I said on you talk page keep getting distracted by priests and queer folk. Oh and sorry if this review sounds a bit like a list of orders it's just cos I dipped in and out of it so often. Sorry! Do come bitch to me on my talk page if you feel in anyway cheeted.|
|Reviewer:||MuCal. BFF Sir 23:24 26 June 2008|