Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Morley, West Yorkshire
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Well, first attempt at an article in any depth, and the fact it's lasted two days is (I understand) an achievement in itself. Any comments gratefully received, - I shalln't even offer pie to bribe y'all into giving me a decent review. Though I could fork out on a Gregg's Sausage Roll at a push.
Gladstone 15:27, 6 June 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||6||Okay, here's the thing. It's kind of pointless to ask for a Pee Review on this article, because there are probably exactly 47,579 people in the world who will really understand what the fuck it's on about - and none of them will read this unless you tell them to.
I'm not sure what to make of the joke that Morley seceded because of the Battle of Hastings. On one hand, it's a clever joke about their xenophobia (a joke that will make more sense if one is familiar with their xenophobia). On the other hand, it's kind of a weird mental image - that instead of being conquered, a city would just say "Ah, screw it, we're out of here." Really?
The "no blacks" joke is probably something you'd simply have to have lived in or at least visited Morley to appreciate. The abolishment of the progression of time is a pretty clever, and a little amusing to an outsider, but still basically an in-joke.
"Demography" is probably the section I found funniest. In a way, that's almost a universal thing - the complaint that, in a lot of small towns, everyone is old, and those who aren't old are drunk. And it was phrased well - you have a real knack for phrasing. I think you could really make me laugh if you wrote about something I'm familiar with.
St. George's day was entirely an in-joke and left me puzzled.
"Sport" got a chuckle from me, because the idea of a minor egg chasing league called "lesser skilled egg chasing" is pretty hilarious. I don't know what "egg chasing" is, but it just sounds funny.
"Transport" wasn't funny to me, but might be funny to a Morleyan (Morleyite?).
|Concept:||7||Well, it's a pretty standard concept: just sort of sending up something to people who know what it is. That's kind of the basis of all observational humor, isn't it? When a comedian says "You know what's great about airline food," the people who have eaten airline food get it, and the people who haven't eaten airline food... wait for another joke, I guess. The problem is that Morley is a very small city. If there's anything you can do to make some of these jokes more accessible, consider doing it, or you'll have an article on the Internet that you'll have to print out and tack onto signposts in order for people to appreciate it the way it was meant to be appreciated.|
|Prose and formatting:||8||As I said, the prose is quite good; it shows a high level of writing skill, both in "not making mistakes" but also, more importantly, "phrasing things in a funny way."
There are a few formatting problems. First of all, the sections are really small, which makes the article look like it's all caption. The worst offender is "Sport" - two sentences!! If you only have two sentences on a topic, combine it with another topic. Second, it would look better if you put in more links. Put in some joke links! Think of all the fun you could have linking the phrase "bigoted idiots," for example.
|Images:||6||I love that caption; it's one of the few times a gay joke actually is appropriate on Uncyclopedia. I'm glad you have an eye for that kind of thing. My only complaint is that an article like this should have at least two, and probably three, pictures - and it should definitely have one up at the top.|
|Miscellaneous:||8||I'm giving you an 8 to pull the score up, because I thought this deserved at least a 35. 35 is supposed to mean "average," but I use it more to mean "competent," and this was certainly that.|
|Final Score:||35||Besides being a little on the short side and a little obscure, this really isn't a bad little article. Nice work!|
|Reviewer:||Hyperbole 17:51, 7 June 2008 (UTC)|