Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Monster Party

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edit Monster Party

This is my article on the NES game Monster Party. I used Hyperbole's epic article, Dragon Warrior as a mold for this one with his blessing. I tried to write the article so people who weren't familiar with the game could still enjoy it. Please let me know what you think works and what doesn't. --John Lydon 18:29, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

I'm onto it. 24 hours. --Some Idiot Image002 05:43, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
Humour: 9 Hey John. I hope this repays your favor of giving me those two fantastic reviews (well, at least half of it).

This is a really funny article. The repetition in it (with the kid fighting all the monsters and stuff) is really good and there are quite a few laugh out loud moments. The parts at the park where he thinks for a moment that Bert is paedophilic, and where he meats the hamburger/dragon that tells him that it is dead, made me laugh out loud. However as you go on through the article I begin to see less of these, as he just faces more and more monsters. In becomes a little TOO repetitive and I suggest you cut down a little bit on everything. Take out some of the monsters and put in more detail about what the character did in the other sections.

A few other things - can you tell us who the 'Dark Master' is? because I'm not really sure if it's the floating eyeball on the left image or what. It's kind of disappointing that Bert is saying it's the strongest monster and hardest to defeat and you don't even tell us anything about him or the character's battle with him.

The introduction doesn't seem to fit, in my opinion. And I really don't like it. I'm not sure what to use instead, but you need something shorter. Even an introduction showing a flashing 'LOADING" bar and underneath the words: Ridiculous pixelated world loaded... retarded, weakling monsters loaded... boy hero with a baseball bat loaded... START GAME. I dunno, it's just your introduction doesn't work.

The humor in this, and the general context is great. However there are a few things in the pictures and their formatting. On to the next section...

Concept: 8.5 Good concept and you've used it well. However, you've really created a story here, instead of talking about the game. It's a good style of an article, unique, but it doesn't actually really tell us about the game (except in the introduction, which has to go). It might work if you changed this to an UnBook, but that's really your choice so you don't have to.
Prose and formatting: 7 Your style of prose was good, and consistant, with no major spelling or grammatical mistakes ( I don't think there were any at all). The green background and pictures looks great, creating a computer game styled screen just like in Dragon Worrier. This looks awesome, and it wouldn't be the same without it. The problem is, you have some problems with the formatting of your pictures, mostly around the end. This lowered your score here and it'll go up if you follow these short points...
  • Move the images to the bottom section of their corresponding paragraphs, so the readers won't be inclined to take a look at them first. They are mostly unfunny if you haven't read the text.
  • The picture of the final monster, the eyes? Make it smaller.
  • Move the pictures of the princess a little down.
  • Place the I'm glad all that crap is finally over. I will never, ever, ever talk to another mysterious purple bird monster thing that falls out of the sky again. Burn me once... I guess I'll open that box from Bert and see what I got.... Yes!!!! A hot chick of my very own! Too bad I haven't hit puberty yet. above the princess pictures.
  • Place the final bit of writing after that above the picture of the character's skin melting.
  • Put a final AAAAAAARRGGHH! before the picture of him in bed and after the melting skin
  • Make the picture of him in bed a little bigger.
  • After the bit of text above when he meets Bert again, actually state that he's walking out the door. Then place the picture of him leaving ABOVE the picture of Bert returning, so they're both in the middle.
  • The bit at the bottom is too short and small, and could be overlooked. Add a big THE END (or something like that) to draw the reader's eyes downwards so they read the tiny bit.

Your article should now look considerably better.

Images: 7.5 Great pictures that correspond with the article, some of them funny, some of them merely to make it look better, and don't really add any humor. This is okay. However, I have a problem with the captions. You (or an experienced photoshopper) should make ALL of the writing appear under the picture. You see, with the text changing all the time, you have to wait until the slideshow has complete full circle to be able to read it. It's very confusing, especially when you don't know where the beginning is. This is especially important with the last few images. Do this and you should get an 8.5 or so.
Miscellaneous: 8 My overall score of the article. However this would rise if you follow my advice on the formatting, picture and humor sections.
Final Score: 40 I hoped that helped because I am a pretty experienced reviewer now (although not as experienced and good as you). I think if you make the changes to the images, fix the formatting and do a few things to the context with the article, it will tighten up and completely finish off the article (i can't say, 'make it a quality article', because it already is very good). I'm not sure if it is, or will be, good enough for the front page, but personally I'd vote For, because this is a pretty top quality article.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 06:26, July 23, 2010 (UTC)
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