Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Missingno.

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Revision as of 15:36, April 17, 2009 by Gerrycheevers (talk | contribs)

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edit Missingno.

Thatcomputerperson 21:55, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

Really need some help to make this something good...

Thunderboi A proud maker of Everquest! 13:41, 16 April 2009 (UTC)

I agree with Thatcomputerperson. Seriously need more help and try to make funnier puns/jokes.

Cheevers99
This article is under review by
Gerry Cheevers.

Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!!
Humour: 1.8 average of all scores
  • intro: 2
well this seems to be mostly inane babble, and i can't tell if that is intentional or not. is your intention with this article to make it look like missingno has glitched the article? if so, you need to make it more obvious than inserting the word 'tenses' a lot. i'm not sure why you have the construction template - it seems this article is a few months old. the infobox is salvageable, but the repeated references to kangaskhan get old fast, and 'i don't know...like a few feet' leaves something to be desired. 'ability - infect pc's' was alright. you have a moment of light when you talk about the old man, but the closing sentence about deformed prostitues falls flat. overall, i don't know where you're going with the article, and i'm not drawn in - the two thing your introduction should accomplish. establish your direction within this first paragraph.
  • habitat: 1
eh, you fall into some of the traps that a lot of newer editors often encounter, such as yelling at the reader ('YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?') and using memes ('OVER NINE THOU...I mean...over 100). this section is also rather short and lacks content.
  • description: 2
before even reading this section, shouldn't description come before habitat? the section itself seems rather immature, and doesn't really describe the subject much, which is what its goal should be. lines like 'OH YEAH DUDE I GOTS 99 MASTER BALLZ BEAT DAT!!!!!1!!noob!1!!!1' take away from the tone of actually trying to describe ths thing.
  • stats/abilities/personal life: 3

you actually have a glimmer of humor when you incorporate 'water gun' several times, but try to avoid a list like 'water gun, water gun, other thing, water gun'. make it subtle that it uses water gun a lot. the rest of the list was rather bland; entries like 'HP: you knows' don't really have much effectiveness. the last two sentences were incoherent.

  • history: 1

this seems like more incoherent gibberish. i realy don't know what it is supposed to be or mean.

Concept: 4 4/5 points for a mildly well-known subject deserving of parody. surely most of the editors on this site know of missingno?

0/5 points for execution. you lack a theme, central idea, direction...all that food stuff that makes the foundation of a good article. take an angle like 'an encyclopedic entry about how OLD MAN conspired to make a monster, mixed with frankenstein' or 'the wikipedia article, but glitched pretty badly'. as it stands, you have no central theme holding everything together, and as a result the pieces of your article float around ineffectively.

Prose and formatting: 3 this is low on content, ugly, incomprehensible at times, and confusing. you need a major overhaul, but before that you need to work on the concept and direction.
Images: 5 the images aren't too bad. the card one is good, but the ghost one really doesn't add much, and further confuses the reader.
Miscellaneous: 3.5 a wizard averaged it
Final Score: 17.3 my preview button tells me that your score is 17.3, a dangerously low place to be. without improvement this is likely to face deletion. but you can improve it! come up with some sort of central idea: that should be your first step. once you decide to focus on the OLD MAN's crazy experiments, or the glitchesches ititit causesuses suchsuch asasas repeatingting thethet lastlast fourfour lettersters ofofof everyvery wordword, you can use that concept throughout the article to tie everything together. once you have that done, come back and get another review for some fine-tuning. take a look at HTBFANJS for some good inspiration, and feel free to come by my talk page with any question. good luck!
Reviewer: SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:36, 17 April 2009 (UTC)
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