Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Milton Babbitt/rewrite

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edit Milton Babbitt/rewrite

Humour: 7 The introduction is funny. The false link (academia) is a very nice touch and the end of the last sentence is funny. Would it help to add in the first sentence "that anyone but him found difficult to understand"? The childhood routine is funny. Strongest sentence "condom before climax" as you are great with this kind of humour as you write it just at the right moment and just in the right way. The weakest part in the first section is the hissy fit sentence, which is the least amusing line and also ends the section on a wah wah wah kind of way. The next section "college" is the weakest part of the two pages with actual text. It is very clever, just like all of the trilogy, amusing, interesting but not too funny. And I found the 12 kinds of beans cute but it felt really out of place rather than haha. And finally the lets not get ahead of ourselves, didn't really make sense in the article, but not in a meta fiction kind of way either. I wasn't sure why it was there. The same for the first part of the next section, clever rather than funny (though the reverse russian reversal is a good gag). The quote is stellar and for me atleast, the only funny part in this whole section. There are many clever moments, "like friendliest to sulkiest". I think the balance between humour and clever is lost in that section. I find the final section the balance is lost even more. The love afair with a synthesizer is also funny but I find it all degrades into a bit of a wah wah kind of cleverness to the point where the final part, about being raped killed and scattered about, is not the big whopper that it really ought to be. Unfortunately this is such an individual piece I find it impossible what to recommend other than to re-read the article from that point of view, is the balance between hyper-cleverness and funny there?
Concept: 9 The concept in the first part is brilliant, showing how his parents forcing him into crazy habits made him into the awkward schedule and order obsessed person and thus an artist imposing some kind of crazy order that is baffling to others is brilliant. Unfortunately I don´t really see what you are doing with the rest of the article except showing lots of random moments of him still being strange and akward. Its also at times a parody of a wikipedia article (for instance the first line is the same from the wikipedia article). The rest of the rewrite could use a more solid concept in my humble opinion, which might help balance clever vs. funny.
Prose and formatting: 6.5 the first image seems great, finding a chain in chord sequences, illustrates his nutty mind and the caption is helarious. The oboe picture illustrates one of the sections well though not necesarily funny as with the last picture. For such a great, clever, funny article I was expecting greater, cleverer, funnier pictures. But, as I said before, its really difficult to suggest anything as the whole trilogy is so creative, unique and concieved by you.
Images: 9 Im the last person to talk about spelling and grammar. I didnt see anything that jumped out at me.
Miscellaneous: 10 A ten again for super cleverness and blowing my mind with your creativity.
Final Score: 41.5 This really is a special article on uncyclopedia. You have incorporated both commentary on humour and parody, a clever puzzle, three different kinds of humour, three levels of humour, while keeping is hyper clever and at times very funny. The humour goes from bang funny at the beginning to less and less towards the end, strugling to find that balance I talked about, and the images dont inspire me. Anyways, ofcourse, its all in my humble opinion but something to think about before it is featured quite soon. GREAT TRILOGY CONCEPT IDEA GROOVE!
Reviewer: --ShabiDOO 08:26, March 15, 2011 (UTC)
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