Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mileena

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edit Mileena 04:37, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

I'm doing this. I think. If I haven't done it within the next 24 hours it's cancelled. --Some Idiot Image002 01:40, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

A note to Create an account. You've made two articles now. --Some Idiot Image002 03:41, July 24, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 5 There is some good humor here, but it is mixed in with the random humor, which really drowns it out. I’ll go through the different sections of the article and show you how you can improve the one liners you’ve got here and build them so they stand out against all the other stuff you have here.
  • Introduction: The quotes aren’t fantastic, but are okay, so keep them. Your introduction is pretty good. Where you are saying what games she has appeared in, I think you should make a joke about how every single game has ‘Mortal Kombat’ in it’s title. The next few sentences are a bit random. Say a bit about how she’s ‘just another hot warrior in sparse clothing’. The gluttony bit is ok, but not overly funny.
  • Background: Call this ‘Early Life’ or something.
    • The first paragraph has more of this random humor in it, and isn’t funny. Rewrite it. Maybe she is the daughter of a ninja and a supermodel? The thing about this paragraph is that it is much worse then the others below it, and it will put the reader off.
    • If you have rewritten the last paragraph (which you should), you’ll have to state here who this Kitana is first. Foster mother? Also, delete the rest of this paragraph after the part the two of them laugh it off. The rest is just not in the flow of the paragraph and takes away the humor.
    • The next paragraph is great. I actually laughed. No need to change anything in this.
    • This next paragraph is pretty good too. Nothing needs to be changed.
  • Note: I think you need to build a bit more on this section, really fleshing out the ideas in each paragraph. If you build this section you will be able to break them up into sub sections and this will look much more appealing.
  • Pre-Mortal Kombat II Era: This is ok, but doesn’t fit in with the rest of the context of the article. It changes the style completely. I just don’ think you should have it in there. Delete it or redo the entire article in a completely different style (not recommended).
  • Mortal Kombat 2: It’s ok. Instead of saying (before fart) and (after fart) just say that Goror farted and then her legs fell limp.
  • Abilities: Some of these abilities are not really funny, however some others are quite good. I think on the second ability, instead of ‘he’, say, ‘her unwilling victim’ or something.
  • Relationships: The ‘Scorpion’ one and the first one are ok. Delete the last one and the reptile one. On the second one, after ‘Mileenalogist Dr. Sanjay Gupta’ had said his bit, delete the rest, which doesn’t make sense.
  • Conclusion: There is some good humor here, and some bad. Follow my advice and this score should improve.
Concept: 6 You’ve got an ok concept, and you’ve done a lot on her. However, you may want to build one what you’ve said here, and add more sections, as this article is relatively short.
Prose and formatting: 5 You have a pretty consistant style and tone of prose throughout, except for the paragraph I detailed in the Humor section. The formatting in your article is not ugly, however it is mostly just a big slab of writing, followed by two short paragraphs and then two lists. This looks bad because…
Images: 0 …you have no pictures. This greatly puts down the overall quality of the article, as it mskes it look rather dull and uninviting. However you could easily fix this. Get two, maybe three pictures – here are my suggestions:
  • First of all, a picture of Mileena herself. If you can find a funny picture o her, great, but if not, include a funny caption. I recommend something like :”Mileena was invited to become a model, but chose to follow the career of hot female video game warrior.”
  • Get a picture of one of her enemies. State how they are always beaten so easily by her.
  • Finally, a picture of her doing one of her Abilities. A picture of Mileena throwing the babies would be great, and make sure to include a caption. I recommend requesting the image at Uncyclopedia:RadicalX's Corner, where some fantastic photoshoppers will be keen to make your picture.
Miscellaneous: 4 Averaged all your scores.
Final Score: 20 There is a lot of stuff you could improve on the humor stuff. Also add some images. If you follow my advice this article will almost definitely survive ICU, and may be quite decent. Hope that helped. If you have any questions about what I have said here contact me on my talk page.
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 02:58, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
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