Okay, this one took a while. I've done alot of articles in the past couple of weeks and now I'm starting to hit some brain blocks. I hit a fair number of them while working on this article. I don't know if it's at best quality yet, but I think it's at least good enough to show off. So tell me what you think and I'll see if I can make any improvements after some time off to get rid of these brain blocks.
PsychotypeD 03:05, 17 December 2008 (UTC)
Good article, with obvious thought put into it about writing a comedic piece about the democrats and republics while attacking the Bush government. There is some stuff to fix though. When you wrote, “it was directed by a writing duo that has been very unsuccessful in throughout its career” change the ‘its’ to ‘their’ and hyperlink ‘writing duo’ with Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Instead of writing “great legend in television history” write that it has become a “cult classic in television history,” since at the end of the article you say that it becomes a cult classic. You wrote “the show that almost destroyed America” but you do not explain how it almost destroyed America. Explain it or delete that sentence. In “History” you wrote, “The show's origins can be traced back to 2007 or 2008, no one really knows which one.” Choose either 2007 or 2008, and write “The show’s origins can be traced back to [insert the year you chose].” Instead of writing fuck, you wrote f**k. Instead of writing it as that, just change it to muck and hyperlink it to fuck. Instead of writing “made its grand debut and an unspecified time on an unspecified day,” be concise and write something like “made its grand debut on Monday” for example. With “they also have Elvis acting as their own personal musician, but he only appears in one episode with no lines.” Doesn’t that mean that Elvis would not have been singing? If so it would be easier to write that “they also have Elvis acting as their own personal musician, but he only appears in one episode” while deleting “with no lines.” Apart from the above everything else was written fine.
An interesting concept, mixing humour with social commentary. I find it original and with potential.
Prose and formatting:
This needs some fixing up. With “since they had been gaining much popularity in the past days. So…” get rid of the full stop before ‘So,’ and make it a comma, since that would be grammatically correct. With “hoping to get some ideas on how to handle the show. After the two saw the random assortment of videos,” hyperlink ‘random’ with Internet Movie Database and ‘assortment’ with The Uncyclopedia Movie. Under “Rangers,” when you explain why each ranger has their uniform that specific colour, you could italics it, eg. “The countless attacks have forced Obama to defend himself and train his body to be the ultimate fighting machine. He is now a master fighter and wears the color red to show Republicans what color their body will be once he's done with them. The Founding Fathers chose him to be the leader because he had such influential speeches.” Under “Villians” for “Busha Repusa” you wrote “his first act as ruler was sending unarmed forces in Iraq to get more oil for his orb.” It would be better to write that his first act as ruler was sending armed forces in Iraq.
Many of your paragraphs look very thick, which probably won’t appeal to the readers. To fix this, make the thick paragraphs into thinner paragraphs (but not too thin) by making two paragraphs out of the one paragraph. Instead of having the template at the start of the article, put some quotes in.
Your images are good, but you need to put captions for the first image. With your first image of the 5 power ranges, have a caption that says something like “the members of N’Sync: the original democrat rangers.” Put an image for “Reception,” like an image of the Fox logo with captions saying “those bastards” for example.
Used the pee formula.
Good article. Make sure you fix up the stuff mentioned in this pee review.