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I need someone to cheque eet outah.
Deku-Scrub 19:16, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
Somebody review me now? It's only got a few days left before deletion...
Deku-Scrub 19:16, 18 July 2008 (UTC)
- Yeah if you want to dodge the deletion process move the article to your userspace. so a page called User:Deku-Scrub/Midna. Then it wont get deleated, change the link on this page so it links there and then you'll have to wait for someone to review it. I may get to it in a few days if it's still there. SK Sir RotM 18:19 21 July 2008
|Humour:||1||I’m sorry but there wasn’t any.
The introduction was just drivel. Universe exploding, giant yellow spiders eating a galaxy, Pok’e’mon??? You’ve already lost your reader. And it’s basically like this all the way through. Random stuff thrown in for no discernable reason. I could go through the whole article telling you this bit by bit but I’d prefer to just move on to concept as that’s where the main problem, that is making this article such a waste, is.
I’m not sure there is much that can be done here to improve the humour short of a complete re-write as the concept is pretty dire (see below for suggestions)
|Concept:||1||This is what is making this article awful as apposed to just bad, you took an obscure video game character (ill advised as the obscurity is often enough to throw people) and then made her into a Pok’e’mon (never a good idea). The Pok’e’mon aspect turns off basically everyone as it’s been done badly to death, over and over again. Anyone who enjoys Pok’e’mon articles (usually people with very lurid imaginations) will be turned off by the fact Midna isn’t a Pok’e’mon. To cap this you threw in random trite such as grues and Oprah, which are already every where and aren’t funny.
To sum up the concept was too random and too incoherent to be the base of any half-way decent article. For this reason I will (and have (I’m not writing this in order)) be giving my advice with the hope that you’ll apply it more to a future idea.
Like I mentioned this article has nothing to with Midna. It doesn’t only at the very end do you even approach the story from the game she was in (Legend Of Zelda Twilight Princess) and there you do it pretty carelessly. If you’re intent on doing an article on Midna at least place it nearer reality. Yes make it a bit fictional but base in some sort of reality. Satirise aspects of the game. Midna wasn’t an especially nice character, and was rather cynical use that voice to point out flaws in the game maybe. It’s still a narrow concept (as not every one knows the joy of Twilight Princess) but it’s more coherent at least.
|Prose and formatting:||3||Kill the quotes. While quotes are allowed I (personally) dislike them (with only one or two exceptions). These ones nobody will like. Oscar Wilde isn’t funny and your random word generator thing just made no sense (though I suppose that was the joke, it was just too random a joke when opening an article). And the other one was just illegible (quite a feat seen as it’s typed) and suffers from the same sort of obscurity as the main concept.
You kept falling into ghetto speak as well which didn’t help it didn’t seem necessary and wasn’t funny it just made the article seem messy. It was never really explained and if it was meant to be cool, it wasn’t. It’s the same sort of aggressive coolness as when your dad repeats phrases he picked up on MTV if not MTV itself.
The table was huge, ugly and redundant. It was a list really (see UN:LIST for the preferred avoidance of lists) and a very boring one to read as it was just bleating on about how powerful Midna is.
However you seem to be able to write as I didn’t notice many typos and such.
|Images:||3||Just the one and, though relevant, was a bit drab and with a bland caption.
Also for future reference it’s generally not good to reference an image in the rest of the article (as you did twice) it’s just irksome. There are exceptions like if referencing a diagram but here it just didn’t work.
With pictures you either need to enhance a joke from the article or introduce a new one.
|Final Score:||10||Ok I know it was my wise idea on “dodging the deletion process” but I don’t honestly think this is redeemable. It’s in your user space so you can have it kicking around for however long and no one will delete it (though you can put it on QVFD yourself) but I highly recommend you waste no more time on this and start something else possibly try a Rewrite or take on a request.
Before you attempt any of that though read HTBFANJS and then read it again.
Alternatively, though I’m no expert on the wiki, this sort of humour would probably go over better at Illogicopedia. Here we try to be more satirical than random.
If you’d like to insult/thank/ask me about anything please visit my talk page.
|Reviewer:||SK Sir RotM 01:47 25 July 2008|