Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mianus

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

FAQ

Mianus

Just wondering. Oh, and, maybe good to tell, my English isn't professional, so don't get too suprised of some grammar of spelling mistakes. //Roye*W*D*M*7777777\\ 22:21, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

*don't get too surprised by some grammar or spelling mistakes. :) —FUCKING FUCKFUCKER WHORE MafiaHatBlack Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [23:56 15 August 2010]
Peregrine-falcon This Falcon will no hesitate to peck out your eyes if you review this article. That is probably because PeregrineFalcon999 has booked it. You have been warned.

This is mine. --Some Idiot Image002 05:13, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Humour: 6 In this first section I'm going to go through your article paragraph by paragraph, giving you some improvements, tips, and ideas on expansion. Then I'll give you a quick analysis on your overall humor. Ok, here I go...
  • Introduction: Needs improvement. I feel it doesn't really pull you in like it should a good introduction should be just as good as the article itself. I think what you've said here just isn't really right, and not overly funny. Sorry I don't have any tips on improving it, all i know is that it needs to be more catchy.
  • History: First of all, this part should be called 'Discovery', not 'History', as it's not about the history of the planet, but it's discovery. Here you've basically just lengthened what you've told us in the introduction, about who discovered it. The first section isn't very funny, but I think you could definitely tell us some funny stuff about what the astronauts were doing in the rocket at that point. And who exactly were these guys anyway? Maybe you could give us a bit of life story, and tell us a bit more about them. The second part is good, about NASA stealing their discovery, but I don't like the fact none of them cared. I mean, maybe those other three should, but wouldn't the guy who was so excited about Mianus be devastated? Would he kill himself? Send a suicide bombing into the NASA base? You can think of heaps more funny stuff to add into this paragraph.
  • Characteristics: Wait a second, Uranus was its parent? You never told us that before! Maybe you should have mentioned it in the intro. Also, maybe you should expand on this part. How could a planet possibly have a child? Have fun with this.
  • Geographical: Yes, this is good. I think you should have some separate paragraphs on the special places on Mianus though, including the Mianus gap.
  • Climate: First of all, it would definitely not be hot near Uranus. At although while you've written that it is hot, I think you could add something funnier here. "What? You mean it couldn't POSSIBLY be hot that far away from the sun? Just shut up, this is my article, not yours!". Something like that anyway, in which the writer talks to himself. The rest of this is quite good, actually.
  • Tourism: This is the first time you've fully gone into the 'My Anus' joke, and it is actually pretty funny. Problem is, this is to do with the main joke of the article and I would of thought that something like this could go at the start. Maybe you could add it to the introduction - I don't know. It's a good paragraph but personally I think it should be near the start of the article.
  • Life: You know what? i think you should say that there IS life, only it hasn't been discovered yet. If you do this you have a great chance of expanding your article. Who lives there? How do they live? Do they have an underground city? This could definitely build up your article.

Ok, so I've given you some improvements. But there are still some things I'd like to say on the overall humor.

Now, I want to identify your main joke. If you don't even know what your main joke here is, it's that fact that it's not Uranus (Your anus) but Mianus (My anus). So that's the basic subject of your article, and the big interesting thing about this planet. You've also described the planet as a bum, so that adds more to this joke. The things is, I don't like the way you have spelt this. Mianus. When I look at it, the first thing I read is My-ah-nus, which doesn't sound anything like My Anus. Even Myanus would give this impression. Maybe you could change it to Mi-anus or something. (If you don't know how to change the title of an article, just go up to the top of the page and click the button that says 'Move'. Then you can change the title from there, but only if there is no other article with that name.) I don't exactly, by I don't think it's a great way you have wrote it.

Secondly, I think your article is rather short. I've given you some suggestions for expanding each part above, but I still think you can build on a little more. Are you sure there is nothing else you could add? Take a look at Wikipedia pages, and see what the say there. take a look Uncylopedia pages as well, as that's what we're writing here.

Lastly I feel you're holding back a bit with the wackiness of your article. Maybe you want to write it seriously, but with this good concept you can't. If you mix is more really wacky stuff with the facts you've got, making some of them really strange (but still relevant) it will give a nice mix and be much funnier. At the moment I feel as if you don't want to go into the extreme. I don't think that's actually true, but that's the impression I'm getting. This could be absolutely hilarious if you went a little wild with it!

So, a '6' for your score. In Pee Review, that's about average humor, not overly funny but quite good. There is definitely improvements in the way of humor here, and if you make them this will be a great article.

Concept: 7 Great concept, but there are a lot of thigns to do with the concept (including expansion) that I have detailed in the humor section. This score could definitely go up to even a nine.
Prose and formatting: 5 Ok, so your English is not professional. In that case, I'm not going to into an overlong improvement section. But reason or not, bad spelling, grammar and jumpy, confusing style of prose isn't good and in this case has hurt your article very badly. Luckily your article looks ok, so this score isn't really low, but I want to give you a few tips. I always recommend copying your article onto a Microsoft Word and doing a spell check. However, there are even things a computer can't pick up so you should always add the {{Proofread}} tag to your article for proofreading help. I know you can fix this little glitch in your article and it will put up the quality of your article greatly.

I also want to make a few points on formatting. Just a few things, as your article doesn't look bad, but some things that will definitely help.

  • LINKS!!! You know why I put that word in capitals? Because links are very important. Few things here I needs to say... 1. Your red links (links that lead to an article that doesn't exist) look rather ugly and unprofessional. Delete them. 2. Links that you click and send you to a different page to what the link says are always good. (like if you clicked 'Disney' and it went to 'Porn') if you don't know how to do this, ask me on my talk page, or any experienced user. 3. Links add emphasis words like italics BIG LETTERS do. 4. Don't like unimportant words, like 'and' or 'good'
  • Paragraphs: There's not much point mentioning this here, as I've told you to fix this in the humor section, but because your paragraphs are rather short they don't look very good.

Well, that's all.

Images: 4 You've got two pictures. They are pretty much the same, and don't look that good. My solution - get some better captions. As your pictures aren't funny you need some funny captions. Sorry I don't have heaps to say here but that's what you need to do.
Miscellaneous: 5.5 Averaged your scores, By the way, good quotes!
Final Score: 27.5 So, 27.5. That's just over half the highest score possible to get here. This is a good article, with a great concept, but with the certain improvements detailed in the above sections (especially the humor section) it cane be a much better article. I'm not going to reiterate much here, because I've said so much. Just make the improvements for each section, build on your article, go a bit wilder with your ideas and sort out your image, formatting and especially spelling and grammar problems. With this done this could be a very good article. I hoped I helped!
Reviewer: --Some Idiot Image002 07:53, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
Personal tools
projects