Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Megadeth rewrite (almost but not completely complete)

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edit User:Monika/Megadeth (rewrite)

At the time of this request for urination, this article is not completely done; this may change by the time the article is reviewed, but I hope not because I'd rather be kicked in the ass to get it done before it's done rather than after. It is, however, mostly done, and all the places where it's not done are marked with an ADD CONTENT HERE flag. At its widest, there are over 2000 contiguous completed words between a pair of flags. (And it hasn't been linkified, but I'm good at that and do it last.)

edit About the article

I am writing this article because I was coerced into it by the guys at VFD. Blame them.

Unfortunately, the introduction and the Lyrical Themes section (which is an extension of the introduction) are some of the least done parts of the article, and they're supposed to set up the joke. The idea is there, and I'll be fleshing it out some more. Basically, it's going to set up Dave as this guy who is anti-conflict, pro-second chances, anti-kicking guys out of bands for petty reasons like alcoholism and violence, pro-band loyalty, anti-hypocrisy, and such, before launching into the rest of the article, which is essentially a (very long) list of people he's kicked out of the band and the petty reasons why.

The "Main Article: Dave Mustaine" thing at the very top is intentional intended to set the tone. I happen to like it and will probably ignore you if you ask me to remove it. It's one of the few things I'll ignore you on so I figured I'd let you know ahead of time.

Down the right of the screen is a timeline of band lineups with little thumbnails of the albums that provide the title when moused over. This and the content of the article provides the discography, so hopefully that'll keep list-adders at bay.

I'm debating killing off the "(b. Month DA, YEAR)" thingies, and not just because I have no idea when Chuck's birthday is. Tell me if I should or not, please.

Also, the article is all true (for some definition of true), and please don't suggest I lie. Lies are never funny and Dave doesn't like liars.

--monika 00:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

User:Monika/Megadeth (rewrite)
is being reviewed by
Your Source for Fine Scented Pee
And Whatever Else Comes Out Of Him
  • Hey, slow down or I won't have anything left to say in the review!   Le Cejak <May 03, 2008 [11:59]>

edit Review goes here

Humour: 6.6 avg of each section
  1. Intro [ 5 ] Sorry for being harsh on the intro, but it has to be funny. This isn't wikipedia, and when facts are stated to me I start snoozing. Also, it's unfortunate that I don't know who Megadeth is, but that's not MY fault: you can't choose your audience (or your reviewer): the audience chooses YOU or not. I would say that, hopefully the listing of facts will stop PRONTO or else your score will be hurt. Nothing against you, Monika, but you knew that already :)
  2. 1 Lyrical Themes [ N/A ] Ah yes, I see why you wrote an intro to your pee review here. Well, what you have here is an outline, obviously. I would say that the meat and potatoes of your article would be found in the lyrical themes. I am NOT looking forward to reading about the band members portion: that looks dreadfully long. Your outline suggests that this section would go on for a while, which sounds okay to me. As it is, I'm not going to include this section in the final score.
  3. 2 Former Members [ 6 ] (1) "Once he arrived in LA, he quickly fashioned the band's first lineup, Matt Kisselstein on bass, Lee Rausch on drums, and Mustaine himself on guitar, out of the first guys he bumped into who owned instruments." This line is almost funny, but something is wrong with the grammar. Who was one of the first guys he bumped in to that owned instruments? Himself? (2) "Mustaine affronted David Ellefson, the bassist who lived below him and practiced incessantly with little regard to how hung over Mustaine might be." funny. (3) "King left the band shortly afterwards when it was found his presence on stage cause the audience to chant "Slayer Rules! Slayer Rules!" instead of "Kirk Hammett Sucks! Kirk Hammett Sucks!" as Dave had become accustomed to." this made NO SENSE to me. I do not listen to Megadeth, and you should assume neither does your audience. This section was essentially a list. Some good lines, but not altogether interesting.
  4. 2.1 Chris Poland [ 7 ] (1) "Poland had a unique, instantly recognizable shredding style, in part shaped by his fucked up left index finger reminiscent of a severed monkey paw. This dreadfully creepy finger is fixed stiffly crooked but compensates with a stomach-turning extended range of motion at the MCP joint. As a result, he has an expanded reach with the finger and can cover more frets than most, at the cost of being completely unable to play power chords." I also don't know how to play the guitar. You may be asking but then how does Cajek get all the chicks? Answer: I don't, the guy who plays guitar at the party does. You have to explain this guitar stuff to us: we have no idea what you're talking about. (2) "Poland would regularly perform under the influence of heroin instead of waiting until after the show like the rest of the band." good. (3) "Poland was again kicked out for being, in the words of Mustaine, 'a liar, a fucking liar / filthy liar, liar / you fucking liar!'" good. As a section, this one was fairly entertaining. I don't know, obviously, anything about this Chris Poland guy, but he sounds fun.
  5. 2.2 Gar Samuelson [ 7 ] It was adequate. Nothing bad, but nothing notably good, either.
  6. 2.3 Chuck Behler [ 7 ] It was funny, but short. I'm not sure if you wanted ideas for expansion, because you sure as hell don't need it. Maybe get rid of that annoying line graph you have down the side of the article.
  7. 2.4 Jeff Young [ 8 ] I don't know why, but I liked the character of this guy. I'm seeing the article coming together. I am starting to think that I don't give a rats ass what this band sang about, just about the members. Don't have sections on lyrical themes or recent activity, former members is enough.
  8. 2.5 Nick Menza [ 8 ] Yes, this Menza dude had a well written, fun section also.
  9. 2.6 Marty Friedman [ 7 ] well, I don't understand that chord stuff (because I don't play guitar), but I see that there are 49*51^{199^2} chords possible, which is actually kinda interesting. The fact that he learned them all was somewhat funny.
  10. 2.7 Al Pitrelli [ 7 ] More mundane, but at least it's not boring facts. The introduction had a style that you should stay away from, Monika.
  11. 2.8 Jimmy DeGrasso [ 6 ] Do NOT add content to this section, just get rid. We have way too many band member sections on this page and I don't see you adding anything that hasn't already been said.
  12. 2.9 David Ellefson [ 5 ] get rid of this person, too. Nobody cares.
  13. 2.10 Glen Drover [ 6 ] Yawn, but not barf.
  14. 3 Recent Activity [ N/A ] I would seriously reconsider adding stuff here. You have enough, okay?!
Concept: 7 It's a band article (and when I realized that, I definitely rolled my eyes) but with some funny takes on hair metal. From what I read this IN NO WAY needs expansion.
Prose and formatting: 7 There ARE typos buried deep in this article that I was not bothered to find again. Spelling typos, grammar typos, but other than that, it was okay.
Images: 6 Well, the picture of the changing band members was good, but I can't just ignore that hideous stripey thing down the side.
Miscellaneous: 6.7 {{Pee|6.6|7|7|6}}
Final Score: 33.3 If you fill in those "CONTENT NEEDED" tags, I will be upset with you. Don't do it. Let the article stand as it is, except redo the introduction and get rid of that stuff that only Megadeth fans and guitar players know. Seriously.

As it is, this is good enough to replace the current megadeth article. Your problem is that you're planning to expand on what the band sang about, but I think you've exhausted all the hair-band parody you can without becoming old.

Reviewer:   Le Cejak <May 03, 2008 [13:06]>

Yo Cajek. I'm curious how much you'd appreciate feedback feedback. I have a lot of reactions to this review but if you feel like you've read enough of my ramblings for the day, I'd probably be better off sharing them only with my huge Uncyclopedia Notes notebook while catching up on tivo'ed Twilight Zone instead of typing them up. (I do really appreciate the review; don't let my actions and inactions convince you otherwise. Here's an explicit and sincere thanks: Thanks for reviewing my article. Your review will really help me in finishing thing thing up and stuff. Even when it seems like I'm ignoring some of the things you said, I'm not.)

Two quick questions:
1. Where did you get "Hair Metal" from?
2. Is it fair to assume that most of my audience will be people who typed "Megadeth" in the search box and clicked "Go"?

--monika 15:46, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
I was gonna say...I don't know Megadeth that well(ok, not at all), but aren't they Dave Mustaine's post-Metallica band, with a "thrash" sound? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:54, May 3
They are. (They also have a thrash look.) --monika 18:02, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
Just wandering past... I guess the answer to the second question depends on if you have lots of good quality links to your article from other good quality articles. If you do, I would think that you are most likely to get a lot of your traffic like that. It's the links which link... A good reason to mainspace stuff I guess... MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 17:59, May 3
This is true, but I'd rather be relevant than spammy and whorish, which means that much of the rest of my audience would be people who typed "Metallica" into the search box and clicked "Go". This is one of the problems with niche articles, I guess. --monika 18:06, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
Also just wandering past. Megadeth was one of my favorite bands back in high school. As a fan I have to say I disagree with cajek about th line "King left the band shortly afterwards when it was found his presence on stage cause the audience to chant "Slayer Rules! Slayer Rules!" instead of "Kirk Hammett Sucks! Kirk Hammett Sucks!" as Dave had become accustomed to." That made me snort mountain dew out of my nose. It helps if you're familiar with these people of course, but I wouldn't change it at all. Good stuff so far. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN18:09, 3 May
(Do people normally wander past pee reviews? ::scratch head:: ) Thanks. I was thinking of resubmitting this and specifically requesting someone familiar with the subject material review it, not because I'm one of those "It's not FOR you!" people but rather because I'd like to have both view points, and I happened to get the non-fan's first. (Again, I do actually appreciate your review, Cajek. I'm worried that by oversaying this I might sound sarcastic or something, but that might be better than you thinking I'm dismissing it or something.) --monika 18:13, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
Wow, that IS a lot of people just wandering past... Anyway, you can't choose who reads your article. Many random people will read this thing, and maybe the fact that it's not a well known subject is not a drawback to the article but to it's subject.   Le Cejak <May 03, 2008 [18:31]>
That might be true. Dave maintains that his selling only 20 million albums worldwide makes him a failure, as that's less than a quarter of what Metallica's sold. On the other hand, if I toned down the metal in the article to make it more accessible to everyone, I'd be a sellout, and that's looked down upon by metalheads. --monika 18:48, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
Just look what happened to those Metallica chumps. Fuckin' sellouts. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN18:50, 3 May

A request: Cajek, would it be possible (read: not an annoying hassle) for you to post a screenshot of the article with the ugly stripy thing down the side, and provide your resolution and what browser you are using? I have a wide-ass monitor and am aware that ie does some ugly things with my formatting (you should have seen it before I fixed it) that I tend to ignore some because I use firefox. Thanks. --monika 19:17, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

I'm on firefox. It's not only that it's annoying, it adds nothing to the article. It's distracting.   Le Cejak <May 03, 2008 [22:47]>
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