Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/McGriddles

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FAQ

edit McGriddles

I created this 10 minutes ago. Trying to adopt a nicer pace :). The la Zhel 12:36, 21 April 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 5.5 This got funnier toward the end of the article, but it didn't quite make up for the beginning. I'd recommend rewriting the intro part and try to not use "Barack Obama" so much. It's ok to make fun of him and whatnot but try to use "Obama" and "President Obama" so it doesn't get too repetitive over the course of the article. I'm assuming that you've read HTBFANJS, and even if you have you should probably read it again, especially if it's been a while. The "FAQ" and "McGriddlesGriddles" parts were good, I just think you should lengthen them a bit and possibly find a different .gif for the seizures (entirely up to you, I just got a headache after looking at it and had to cover it with my hand to read the rest of the article)
Concept: 7.5 Although I normally don't like random humor the fact that it is an article on McGriddles leads itself to general randomness makes it fit. That being said I think that you could have been a little less random and instead expanded on what you already had. I would also like to see some of the randomness fashioned into a "McGriddle" style, and by that I mean using combination of things that most people have thought up before but seem random to say out loud (i.e. Maple syrup flavored pancakes)
Prose and formatting: 7 As I've said before the repetitive use of "Barack Obama" instead of "Obama" etc. is a little distracting but easily fixed. The format you chose is good for what you are trying to do, however, there is a little bit too much white space in the "How does it look like?" section (FAQ section white space is ok though) A couple more links would be good too. Try to spread them out a bit.
Images: 6.5 The Jim Carey picture makes the entire article a little hard to read, and the picture of the asian toddlers could be bigger. I also think that you could find a couple more pictures, especially if you rewrote the intro and added a few lines to the section you already have. For some reason that I just can't explain I love the Morse code picture, don't change that at all.
Miscellaneous: 7 Average score
Final Score: 33.5 This seems a little more like the outline to a fairly good article than an article itself. If the sections that you have were lengthened, and if you maybe added another section or two I think it would get a much higher score.
Reviewer: --JackOfSpades (talk) 19:26, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
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