Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Marty McFly

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edit Marty McFly

Hello. Revamped the article as it was deemed to be stupid. Hopefully taken out the stupid, but need a bit of advice on extending it to make it brilliant.

I realise it's on the short side, but all advice gratefully received. At least it won't take you long to read! Thanks

My Tree! 08:34, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

I'm in here now, 24 hours. --ChiefjusticeDS 09:53, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 2 OK, first off try to ignore the scoring and focus on my advice instead, there isn't much I can really give you on the score front for an article of this length, so I will focus on helping you make it better. The very first thing that I think you should do is read HTBFANJS, not because I think you can't write and not because I think what you have here is hopeless, but because it has some excellent advice for writers and on the occasions I write something I refer to it regularly. The first thing that I would recommend you do is try to come up with a structure for your article, try to decide what direction you want the article to go in as your current structure is confused. My advice would be rather than stringing together a set of references that you copy the style of the Wikipedia article, this will give you a foundation to work from, feel free to use their headings and section focuses for your article, then it is a greatly simplified process of filling in the gaps. My next suggestion would be to use HTBFANJS to come up with some jokes for your article, while I admit the idea of Marty interfering in other film series made me laugh, it doesn't really make for a good base point. You should take note that often the truth is far funnier than lies, as I often say to people having a similar problem, people come to your article to read a humorous slant on Marty McFly, and while what you have made up may be relatively amusing it isn't what they were looking for and it will not have the same impact upon them. Again the Wikipedia article can help you here, they have already listed all the facts that you need so just parody what they have written if you want, if you want to be more ambitious then feel free but remember to try to be coherent and avoid going off on tangents.

The basics of what you need to do is above, from here I will try to focus on some more advanced techniques you can use once your article is longer and up and running on its own. Unfortunately your article is not really in a fit state for mass viewing at the moment and I would recommend you increase the length of the article before you get started on any of these ideas. The first is that an article needs a running joke, I'm pleased to see that you have demonstrated an understanding of this from what you have written already and I would encourage you to expand such an idea through the article but you should consider carefully what your joke is going to be. If you are looking for something to differentiate your article from others you can try using a different style for it, feel free to browse through the featured articles and if you see a particular style of joke that takes your fancy then use it. Your article needs a lot more work and I hope you take the time to do it. If you are concerned about the article being deleted then consider moving it to your user space where you can work on it without fear of deletion.

Concept: 3 Your concept is good enough but you need to work at your execution, as I said above you need to decide on a broad framework for your article. An item that a lot of new editors do not take into account is their tone when writing an article. Your tone is an important aspect of your article. Essentially it means that you should consider the voice you use to narrate the article. There are two main styles to use, there is the encyclopaedic style, as is used here. In this style you should try to stick to narrating in a similar way to that of wikipedia, jokes are generally subtle and the feel is generally not overt, you can learn far more about it by investigating the aforementioned article. This is the tone I feel would work best for your article especially if you are parodying the wikipedia article. If that style doesn't take your fancy then you should consider using the third person, as seen in this article.
Prose and formatting: 2 Not enough here at the moment to really qualify as effective prose. My advice for any additions you make is thus on spelling and grammar. you don't seem to be bothered unduly in this respect thus far and so, if you feel confident about your ability to proofread your own work, check carefully. If you don't want to proofread yourself or feel that you won't do a good enough job then you can contact the proofreading service who will do it for you, for no extra charge. Use your own judgement and check carefully. As far as your formatting goes, try to make sure you use appropriate image sizes and that you position them carefully, a pet hate of mine is crushing text between two images, so try to space things out as much as you can.
Images: 5 You have two images which is OK for an article of this size. But images should ideally compliment text and you need more of that before they can mean enough to justify a higher score. When you work on your article also consider your captions, the one on your Dr. Brown image is excellent and I would encourage you to work at these.
Miscellaneous: 3 My overall grade of the article.
Final Score: 15 You have potential as a writer and should definitely try to go the extra mile to realise this potential. If you need any further guidance then consider joining the uncyclopedia adopt-a-noob programme. I would be happy to take you on if you are interested in that, it would basically mean that or another experienced editor would be at your beck and call to help and give advice on articles. If you are happy as you are then you can contact me on my talk page where I will be happy to answer any questions you have. Good luck making any edits.
Reviewer: --ChiefjusticeDS 21:39, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
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