Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Marble Madness

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edit Marble Madness

Probably isn't my very best work, and it's a rare (for me) encyclopedic style, but I want to know if this is at least acceptable. Slam me for the pictures if you must but I'd apreciate it if you concontrate on the actual humour of thr writing. It's been about a month since I wrote for this place. Thanks in advance :D    Orian57    Talk   Union pink 01:12 9 September 2009

Humour: 6 there were defintely some high points in this article. i like the re-occouring joke about the game having a total of 36.2 bits. i find that some of the homor on the article is a bit forced. it seems as if you are trying too hard. just let the homour come, don't right for the sake of laughing
Concept: 7 a good concept. the idea of a unveliveably low budget vedio game was lol for me. perhaps a little cle'she but was still funny.
Prose and formatting: 6 alright. i have nothing to complain. it was easy to read and had very few mistakes. i think the quotes were unnececary. i also found a few parts a bit boaring. you should probably add a few more jokes, especialy in the last and second sections
Images: 8 LOLOLOLOL i love how the picture and caption is almost the same with different game eddetion
Miscellaneous: 6.5 i don't know what this means so i just gave you the average of all the other scores.
Final Score: 33.5 good alround. it looks as if you got a pretty good score. keep righting, you have some good skills.
Reviewer: --FlameThrougher 12:30, September 11, 2009 (UTC)


Drive By

FlameThrougher does make a couple of points here and seems to be trying to help you out, so please take note of his comments. These are just my own thoughts to point you in the right direction.

It is an interesting move for you Orian, though, having really enjoyed the Left 4 Dead article I know that you can carry off jokes for this one effectively. My best advice would be to consider your jokes carefully. You seem to be veering between deciding whether the game is making a polititcal statement and whether to talk about the game itself. You do this reasonably well but a couple of your jokes feel forced and a reader can reach the end of the article and still be unsure of the direction you wanted the humour to go. To improve this I would suggest taking further advantage of the style. You have a number of subtle jokes already and I think you should build on a theme throughout the article and make your jokes about that rather than introducing new ones. For example, try making a statement about the game and make more of the player's experience playing it, you can then draw on this throughout. You did a similar thing very well in Left 4 Dead where you suggested that the game experience was making a statement. Experiment with that here. This is not a suggestion that you bulldoze the article as parts of it are very amusing, but rather that you should try and work it in, as FlameThrougher says it can become monotonous at times. If you need some ideas then take a look at Acrolo's excellent game article

Your tone does need a bit of work, make sure it always stays consistent, as it veers very close to becoming first person rather than the encyclopedic third person. Your concept is fine. As I said all those months ago when I reviewed you Trapped at Sea UnScript, the image repetition is fine in context and I would agree with FlameThrougher that it is amusing. Oh, and don't forget to proofread. Alright then, as you were.... --ChiefjusticeDS 12:56, September 11, 2009 (UTC)

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