Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Marat Safin
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Fanwandango 15:42, 19 August 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||7||I like the fact-based approach, but written from a different perspective. The line about "red cabbage vodka and communism" also raised a laugh.
I think you need to be more poetical in your description of his looks. Just saying he's handsome is not enough. I want to hear how his eyes glisten in the New York floodlights, like the River Volga in the Spring. Stuff like that.
There are points where I feel you need to build up to the jokes more. For example: "He headed to Valencia in Spain where he had heard the girls were easier." This would be a funny joke if you mentioned other reasons for him to go to Spain first.
|Concept:||8||What's this? Someone else is writing rather good articles on tennis? That's my job! I've thought about doing Safin myself (figuratively), but there's so many different ways to go and I found nailing down a concept hard. The he's so good looking approach is a pretty good one. More can be made of his tendency for melancholy, however.|
|Prose and formatting:||7||There are no obvious spelling or grammar mistakes and the writing is of a good standard. You do need to add some more links, though.
Some of the sections at the end feel tacked on and need fleshing out. Why does Safina do so well without Marat's looks?
|Images:||5||They do the job, but you could do better. A quick look on Live search (it's better then Google) and I found plenty of good pics (in terms of the article, he's not my type), many shirtless. Be more descriptive in your captions as well. Perhaps a picture of him playing mixed doubles, with a jealous caption would be good .|
Three quotes is overkill, a bit. One will do. Why not quote the most quotable man in tennis while you're at it?
There also must be a way to work in a mention of him pulling his shorts down at the French Open.
|Final Score:||33.75||This is a good first try, but a lot of work is still to be done.
Normally, when I find a new tennis article I think about ways to rewrite it. This is much better than that.
|Reviewer:||--21:10, 19 August 2008 (UTC)|
On second thought, don't add that mixed doubles picture I suggested. Doing so would veer too close to my article on Martina Hingis. -- 11:05, 21 August 2008 (UTC)