Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/MapleTree Productions
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MapleTree46 21:48, 3 May 2008 (UTC)
|Humour:||3||it was faaaaaar too random. and the jokes came across pretty jumbled, and contradictoy. like in this "galactic empire force the Earth's population into friendship." its just backward and unfunny. try something like "galactic empire force the Earth's population into the internet (via a messy transaction through the hardware) and into the maple tree garden to farm the virtual syrup forever!" funnier as it's more on track with the idea behnd the article and is unexpected not so much random.
never explain that something on uncyclopedia is true. we already know. its painfully redundant. as a punchline too it was just dissapointing. its also not a good idea to have something titled "the funny part" as the whole thing should at least be amusing. more than anything this article needs some seriouse expansion.
|Concept:||5||"MapleTree Productions is a company creating online maple syrup from virtual trees. The popularity of this company grows severely due to the fact that the maple syrup has highly increased [in] production." this isn't a bad concept. i'd stick with this as it's the sort of thing you want to hear about when reading an article entitled "MapleTree Productions". the other idea about it having all these divisions is just distracting. in the article you've had too many different ideas and you veer off into other things you need to keep it on track better.|
|Prose and formatting:||3||like i said in 'humour', it was a little jumbled and contradictory. basically incoherant, the anology of the horse and cart on the NRV template illustrates exacly what's wrong here.
also you mentiond MrN9000 in the article it's self and explained that you'd removed something. never do that in an article, it's the sort of thing you can have on a talk page but not in the article it compleatly kills the joke and is just unnesesary. the spelling and grammar wasn't fabulous either. even in the title Maple-Tree should be either two words or hyphenated. and you left some sentences unfinished "The Actual MapleTree Productions is actually a ." A WHAT!? WHAT IS IT! it leaves the reader frustrated. you really need to have more of the story; explain the company foundations in better detail and give details on its founder and the evil plans. insort it needs expansion. as a whole it was broken down into too many subsections for the amount of writing that was there which frankly made it unpretty.
|Images:||2||at least you had one. but it just wasn't funny, nor was the caption. and it was too small. make up a picture of the virtual garden with the slaves working it pointlessly - a gif may be better, that is if you choose to take my other idea. if not a better logo at least. the images very much depend on where you wanna go with this article.|
|Miscellaneous:||3.25||(averaged other scores) For the love of all that is funny in the world read HTBFANJS -- read it twice or three times, and some of the featured articles. get a better idea of what uncyclopedia is "looking for" and keep trying, maybe instead of starting your own article from scratch, take an article from the re-write category. so you already have a direction to go in.|
|Final Score:||16.25||if you would like to insult/thank/ask me about anything please visit my talk page.|
|Reviewer:||Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog| 02:14, 6 May 2008 (UTC)|